How many times have we seen this scenario in films: A character gathers his/her resources and single-mindedly chases a goal, claims it...only to discover the goal wasn't worth it, or it wasn't what they hoped it would be, etc. This is after they've spent extra-ordinary amounts of time, energy and resources striving for it. Sounds backwards, right? Well, movies aren't life; but they can imitate aspects of it, even teach us something about ourselves and nature.

People in the public eye who we think "have it all" surprise most of us when they self-destruct or abandon a coveted position or social role. What they've done compels most of us to naturally go in search of answers, starting with questions like, "Why? or How?" Or we make statements such as, "Look at all they had..." "...If I were them, I would never have done what they did!..." “They're stupid," etc.  We make these kinds of judgments and form our opinions because we are using our filters, points, of views, and values to see their world as opposed to seeing the world the way they do. If you have a heart, and consider yourself a part of the human race, then you, too, are vulnerable to such reversal of desire. Not just movie characters or public figures. If you are a self-reflecting person abandoning something you once chased isn't bad. Because you can and do learn something about yourself that you can use to improve the quality of your life ("Live Long and Prosper"...[in mind body and spirit] as Mr. Spock would say, R.I.P. Leonard Nimoy)

Having goals do make for healthy living; they help to add meaning and purpose to our life... But can any goal do the aforementioned? Which one specifically? Sure we can chase anything and say we are adding substance to our life. But are you sure that what you are seeking to grasp will give you and your life satisfaction? If so, great. If you don't know... then that's something to look into.  Goals exist to satisfy a "need"; a need that's been awakened, is excited and yearning to settle down. The clearer we are on what this need is, the better our chances are that we will choose the appropriate goal, with the added benefit that your resources will be utilized with precision. Take for example your standard action movie - Taken 1 - starring Liam Neeson. Antagonists have kidnapped the protagonist's daughter with the intent on selling her on the black market. The antagonists' actions have awakened a clearly defined need in the protagonist who then chooses the appropriate goal and will take the "necessary steps" to reach it so that his need - safety for his family - is satisfied.

Moving from the world of fiction into the real one, most of us know that billionaire Bill Gates left the company he founded to pursue philanthropic goals. What need could he be satisfying by taking this bold step? Each of us has needs that are personal. Being aware of them, as previously stated, will help us to choose the right goals that will satisfy them. If you are pursuing a goal the following questions will help you to become aware of your need. Also, pay attention to your experience and check to see if the pursuit of the goal will satisfy that particular need:

• What is this goal really about?
• What will reaching this goal do for me or give me?
• Why is this goal so important?
• Is the goal I'm' pursuing going to satisfy my need?

©2015 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Listen to both videos. They are short – (2 min. each), but contain a wealth of information you can easily put use towards your success. Listen, listen and listen again. Strategies for success aren't all that difficult. As you listen, pay attention to how Olympic Gold-medalist, Iwan Thomas, used language to become a winner. Notice that he only focused only on encouraging statements he said to himself and from others, dismissing anything else that was irrelevant. – Focus! Listen to what Dr. Richard Bandler says that's required for success... 
 “…so strong you have to feel it in every fibre of your soul!...”

Video 1: Richard Bandler's interview with Iwan Thomas and how he became a top athlete.

Video 2: Richard Bandler's interview with Iwan Thomas and how he became a top athlete.

We’ve heard it before: networking is more akin to farming than it is to hunting. The act of hunting to put food on the table creates an immediate result – we go and get it. But it’s unsustainable; we have to go get it again, and next month we have to go out and get it again. A hunter-networker is out there meeting people, building relationships, adding new contacts to her list, and in the end, the “prospective clients” she is putting into the top of her Business Development Funnel are prospects that she found. Hunting in this analogy simply means that the bulk of the prospects to whom we’re presenting our business are people that we brought to the table. Nothing wrong with it. If we have quotas to meet and overhead to cover, then we gotta hunt. Hunting, however, is based in linear dynamics and does not give us leverage. As Michael Gerber of the E-Myth book series likes to say, we’re out there “doing it, doing it, doing it”.

The philosophy of a farmer-networker is a complete paradigm shift. It is based in non-linear dynamics and provides access to leverage. This kind of networker is also out their meeting people, building relationships, adding contacts to his list, however, the prospects entering his Business Development Funnel are people that were referred to him by his strategic alliances, also known as referral sources, or what I like to call “power partners”. So then, how does the difference between these two “networking worldviews” manifest itself? When a hunting-oriented networker walks into a room at a networking function or an alumni gathering, what she will see is a “room full of prospects”. When the farming-oriented networker walks into the same event, what he will see is a “room full of gateways” leading to 100’s of potential clients.

Of course, the challenge for every farmer-networker is this: if everyone in that room is a potential gateway, and if a gateway will only “let me in the door” and act as a referral source if they know, like, and trust me, then there is clearly some nurturing and fertilizing to do before that relationship becomes a fruit-bearing resource. Yes, there is a time lag here. Which is why I recommend to my clients that they do both: while we put food on the table through our hunting activities, we intentionally launch a farming initiative so that we can wean ourselves off of our dependence on hunting, and experience the peace of mind that comes with sustainable results – reaping the benefits of cultivating relationships that bear fruit year after year.

The key phrase is “farming initiative”. When we launch an initiative, do we wing it or is there a plan? The most effective networkers are those with a long-term plan, just like the most effective farmers are those with a plan, who took the time to develop their agricultural skills, and learned how to use the tools that accelerate the process and maximize their effectiveness. Developing skills in farming (as in any profession or sport) takes time, and it takes the willingness to practice consistently. Sporadic efforts toward our networking (or any endeavor for that matter) will yield mediocre results at best.

There are many tools for accelerating our yield from networking, and as we master the use of these tools, we see our results blossom. The tool that is typically the most under-utilized, and that is one of the most leveraged activities in the networking toolbox, is that activity known as “Inviting”. Hours could be spent on how to use this tool to its maximum. Let’s take a moment and dip our toe in the water of Inviting.

Many of us have read or heard of the book, “Never Eat Alone,” by Keith Ferrazzi, in which he reminds us to take the time spent eating a meal and invest it simultaneously into cultivating a relationship.

And that’s why I like to say, “Never go to an event alone”.

There is no better way to leverage your networking (i.e., relationship cultivating) efforts than to include others from your network in the events you’re attending. You are already going to be there at that networking breakfast, or art opening, or book signing, or lecture on mind-body medicine. Look at your calendar and see what events you are scheduled to attend in the upcoming weeks, and with each event, ask yourself, “Which of my relationships can I water and fertilize by inviting them to join me?”

This is a game-changing question. And it is multi-dimensional (which is to be expected of anything based in non-linear dynamics). Here are just a few of the many layers to consider:

To access the Inviting tool, you must first answer this question: “Who are my potential invitees?” And we arrive at that answer by asking yet another question: “Who are my VIP’s?” The Very Important Person can be flocked together with others of the same feather. Ask yourself: “Which segments of my overall network are the most important ‘relationship crops’ that I want to nurture and fertilize on an ongoing basis? These would include current and past clients, prospective clients, referral sources and potential referral sources, mentors, and friends.

Once you identify your potential invitees, take a look at the events you’re already attending, and ask:

• Which of my VIP’s have an interest in the topic of this event?
• Which of my VIP’s would like to meet the types of people who are going to be attending this kind of event?
  
• Which of my VIP’s would I like to hang out with and get to know better – and this event sounds like a conducive environment to provide that opportunity?
  

And the masterful networker goes even deeper and asks:

• Serving as a Connector, who could I invite to this event that needs to meet each other? If I invite “Victor VIP”, who else could I invite that would be a favorable introduction for Victor’s business?

• Given that I could relate to the person holding/sponsoring/speaking at the event as a VIP herself (someone inspiring and influential that I’d like to nurture and develop), then who could I invite from my network that would be a potential referral or potential power partner for this VIP, thereby further cultivating my relationship with her?
  

Even if none of your invitees shows up at the event, the act of inviting them is where much of the magic lives. When they read your email invitation, or listen to your voice mail inviting them to the event, what they’re left with is, “How nice of Cynthia to think of me!” particularly if you include in your invitation wording along the lines of wanting to connect them to some other mover/shakers who will also be attending, or saying, “I thought this event would be a great way to check out some wonderful art (or get in some good networking) while at the same time learning more about you and how I can connect the right people to you.”

Through that kind of invitation, the relationship is never the same. You distinguish yourself. You stand out from the crowd of people that your contact has met the past few months. You register as valuable to them because you value them.

What goes around comes around. You get what you give. Networking is indeed like farming. Commit to mastering what it takes to efficiently and effectively harness the potential in your “relationship crops”. Learn the skills. Master the tools. And you will reap a bountiful harvest of mutually satisfying relationships and sustainable growth in your business.


A graduate of the Wharton School of Business, Cynthia Greenawalt is a leading trainer, consultant, and professional coach on networking and developing social capital.

Cynthia founded Sea Change Networking to address the demand for a senior level networking venue for developing high-value alliance building and mastering the principles behind her core methodology, “The Science and Art of Breakthrough Networking.” Contributing author of the New York Times bestseller, “Masters Of Networking,” and the Wall Street Journal bestseller, “Masters Of Success,” Cynthia provides business leaders with access to extraordinary results by developing their social capital and increasing their return on relationships. To learn more about Sea Change Networking and their initiatives, go to www.seachangenetworking.com