"Change the way you think, changes the way you feel and changes what you do!"

Biohacker & NLP Trainer, Melina Vicario interviews Richard Bandler about his new book Thinking on Purpose: A 15-Day Plan to a Smarter Life and the practical strategies within it that you can immediately put to use. 

Adapted from Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
 
We started our interviews with senior leaders with one question: What, if anything, about the way people are leading today needs to change in order for leaders to be successful in a complex, rapidly changing environment where we’re faced with seemingly intractable challenges and an insatiable demand for innovation?
 
There was one answer across the interviews: We need braver leaders and more courageous cultures.
 
To better understand, we followed up by asking, Why courage? and What’s getting in the way of building more daring cultures? Of the ten behaviors and cultural issues that leaders identified as barriers to courage, there was one issue that leaders ranked as the greatest concern: Avoiding tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback.
 
Some leaders attributed this to a lack of courage, others to a lack of skills, and, shockingly, more than half talked about a cultural norm of “nice and polite” that’s leveraged as an excuse to avoid tough conversations.
 
Whatever the reason, there was saturation across the data that the consequences of avoiding tough conversations or tapping out of a difficult rumble as soon as it gets uncomfortable include:
 
1. Diminishing trust and engagement;
 
2. Increases in problematic behavior, including passive-aggressive behavior, talking behind people’s backs, pervasive backchannel communication (or “the meeting after the meeting”), gossip, and the “dirty yes” (when I say yes to your face and then go behind your back); and
 
3. Decreasing performance due to a lack of clarity and shared purpose.
 
Over the past several years, my team and I have learned something about clarity and the importance of hard conversations that has changed everything from the way we talk to each other to the way we negotiate with external partners. It’s simple but transformative: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
 
I first heard this saying two decades ago in a 12-step meeting, but I was on slogan overload at the time and didn’t even think about it again until I saw the data about how most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair.
 
Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind.
 
Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind.
 
Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.
 
This lesson has so wildly transformed my life that we live by it at home. If Ellen is trying to figure out how to handle a college roommate issue or Charlie needs to talk to a friend about something . . . clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
 
When we have to show up for a hard conversation we call it “a rumble.” For us, this is more than just a weird West Side Story way to say, “Let’s have a real conversation, even if it’s tough.” It’s become a serious intention and a behavioral cue or reminder.
A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle back when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts, and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.
 
More than anything else, when someone says, “Let’s rumble,” it cues me to show up with an open heart and mind so we can serve the work and each other, not our egos. Armoring up and protecting our egos rarely leads to productive, kind, and respectful conversations.
 
-You can purchase a copy of Dare to Lead here.
-Learn more about our LinkedIn Global Read-along here.
-Take the free Daring Leadership Assessment and download free companion workbooks here.

"...'Let me tell you the secret. The secret is it's not the snake that scared you; it was the big giant picture jumping out at you'....the images and sounds you generate in your mind create the feelings.

​Change the way you think, you change the way you feel, thus you change what you do...!"

​Teams of people tirelessly work behind the camera to breathe life into the TV shows we are addicted to each week. Or binge watch when the opportunity presents itself. Let's face it. If you own a laptop or TV then you have a favorite TV show. Perhaps several. (What’s one of mine? The Walking Dead). A skilled staff-writing unit makes up a part of this production team. Their job is to generate premises and break them into story beats. Then a member of this coveted staff writing team transforms all that information into a competent script ready to be filmed. Oftentimes he/she has less than a week to write the episode that hooks and hold us.
 
Most do an exceptional job. However, if a writer dares to complain to the show-runner that "writer's block" is preventing them from handling the job, the solution is simple: Writer is replaced or fired, and the task handed to the next writer in line. TV is a voracious animal. Consuming content is how it survives. It spares not the meek or whiny, whether in front of the camera, or behind it. It’s nothing personal. Just business.
 
But guess what? TV writers claiming to be in the throes of “writer’s block” rarely occur. The smart writers inoculate themselves against it; and if it (writer’s block) arises they have strategies to handle it. This then begs the question, “What are some of these strategies they utilize?”
 
Most important is the proper frame of mind. World-class writers possess the attitude, gained through experience, that their first draft is insufficient, and that their best is yet to come. This helps to keep their mind in top form. Flexibility, focus and confidence are other states of mind writers take advantage of when writing. These states allow surprises and discoveries, submerged within a writer's rich, deep, creative reservoir, to float to consciousness’s surface and reveal themselves.
 
Keen writers are also well aware that the act of writing is an output activity. This presupposes an input as well as a processing sequence exists before any official writing takes place. What subject matter is the writer writing about? What does he/she wish to accomplish with the piece? Etc. Having a direction in mind is part of the input and processing phase. It dictates what type of content the writer chooses to absorb, study, the information he/she gathers in order to explore, read, analyze etc. Law & Order: SVU, (their tagline: “ripped from the headlines!”) the longest running dramatic TV series to date – 20 years strong -, is a perfect example of gathering information – first – then working with it to produce a “work of art- that riveting episode.” Writers' get themselves into trouble when they violate this sequence.
 
The universe as it's constructed can give us a surprise, or two, once in a while. For a writer, those surprises are sometimes disguised as writer's block. When things seem to be going well, the writing is flowing, etc. writer's block can mysteriously creep into ones creative mind space, setting up residence, sometimes acting like a mind virus, weakening, if not crippling our progress. Things happen. It during these challenging times we are given the opportunity to learn and to grow.
 
Definitions vary as to what writer's block is. In a nutshell, it is a tense conflict between the writing task we wish to complete versus the excuses we tell and/or show ourselves why that can't happen. These excuses are just symptoms expressing itself in creative ways. For example, giving yourself so-called 'valid' reasons why your task must be put on hold; procrastinating, avoiding the writing assignment by ranking other activities as more important to do; allowing nasty internal dialogue or images to consume your focus that triggers a cascade of physiological responses, (sweaty palms, nervousness, etc). The examples are limitless...
 
So then what is writer's block from an NLP perspective? Hint...It's in the title. It's a nominalization, a fluid process that somehow has been transformed into a thing, immovable, stuck...a metaphorical "block" impeding progress. Looking from it from this angle then what needs to happen is to transform this static state back into a process, something moving. And that's where the fun and adventure begin.
 
Strategies to either eliminate, get through, above, below and/or around writer's block exist. Here are some more:-Get into a relaxed state and ask yourself, using a curious voice tone, "What is blocking me?" It's important to use the gerund "blockING!' It turns the noun back into a process verb. Also notice the present tense of the verb being used - IS.
 
Pay close attention to what emerges into consciousness via one or several of your modalities (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, gustatory). What you become aware of, revealed to you, is the issue, or issues begging to be taken care of so that you can return to the flow writing state.
 
A variation of the above is as follows: Get into a relaxed state and ask yourself, using a curious voice tone, "What 'was' blocking me?" Just as above, it's important to use the gerund "blockING! This time the past-tense "WAS" is being used. This variation presupposes that the issue is now in the past. Sometimes that might solve the problem. Oftentimes not, what this variation does do is to put space between you and the issue, giving you another point of view in which to address it. (As the expression goes...Give me some space to xyz...). Again, notice what surfaces in one or several of your modalities.
 
Writing is a whole-brain process, meaning the creative as well as the analytical part need to work together...in the proper sequence. Suppress the need edit your work when completing your first draft. Just write! Errors and all! Put words on the page! When you enter the editing phase, that's when the critical mind is needed. Not before. You need something to work with...
 
Another advantage of putting words on the page - first - is that you give yourself the opportunity to unpack and reveal the deeper meanings hidden within the words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, etc. Take for example a simple sentence; "I watched TV last night!":...:

What kind of TV is it? How big/small? Flat-screen, or a box TV? Color or black & white?
Where were you last night?
What was the temperature like?
Were you alone?
Define "watched?"
Etc...

TV sit-com writer, Ellen Sandler, once said, "Writing is discovery on the page!" This requires that you are in-the - moment, the here and now. You need to put something on the page for this to occur. If writing begins by information input then - reading - is a great habit to get into. Books, (blog, e-book, etc.), aren't the only sources of information. There is also the environment in which you live, the people whom you interact with, places you visit, activities you partake in, the moments you experience, and so much more. There's also the world - within - you that you can read. As the NLP tenet states, "We have all the resource to affect change". Get to know who you are, your strengths, weakness, hopes dreams, pleasures, fears, angst, memories, desires etc. It's about utilizing opportunities to spur creativity and also to get ahead of writer's block.
 
So - "What did you think had stopped you from moving forward, or casting aside, what you had thought was writers block?" 


©2018 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

​DO YOU HAVE something you want to propose?
 
Having a valid case isn’t enough. To get a yes, you must first summon the courage to ask for what you want, need or deserve, and then present your ideas with timing, sensitivity and skill so your listener is motivated to give you the go ahead.
 
Shelley, an athletic friend who works as a law clerk in a Washington D.C. law firm, spent every noon hour jogging on the paths bordering the Smithsonian. She loved getting outside for the exercise, but didn’t enjoy having to change back into her professional clothes without the benefit of a shower. She approached the partners and proposed that a women’s locker room be installed, similar to the one provided for male employees. They turned her down flat, citing the expense, lack of space, and so on. Shelley called me and said, “Help?!”
 
THE FIRST THING I did was compliment her on not relinquishing her dream. Then, I recommended she use these Five Principles of Persuasion to make it come true.
 
1. Walk in with positive expectations. Have you ever approached someone with a suggestion while inside you were thinking, “This is a waste of time. They’ll never approve this.” If you don’t believe your idea stands a chance, how can they? Talk yourself into a state of optimism (“I know this is worthwhile”) so you can go in with the courage of your convictions. As Winston Churchill said, “Before convincing others, we ourselves must be convinced.”
 
2. Anticipate and voice their objections. Determine why they might turn you down, and then state their arguments first. If you don't preface your points with their objections, they won’t even be listening to you; they’ll be waiting for their turn to talk so they can tell you why your recommendation won’t work. If you predict they’ll protest with, “We don’t have the money for this in our budget,” then guess what the first words out of your mouth better be? “You may be thinking we don’t have the funds available, and if I can have your attention for the next ten minutes, I can show how this will save us this amount of money in the first three weeks of operation.”
 
3. Number and document each point. The easiest and quickest way to lend legitimacy to points is to number them. Enumerating evidence makes material sound like facts rather than opinion so it carries more weight. Furthermore, listeners can understand and remember what’s being said more easily because of the clear structure. As a professional speaker for more than 20 years, I’ve learned the most powerful way to get a message across is to follow this pattern: make a point, give an example; make a point, give an example. Audiences relate to and remember examples, which give real-life “proof” of the benefits of what you’re proposing.
 
4. Meet their needs and speak their language. Avoid using the word I, as in “I think a locker room will be welcomed by our employees.” People won’t do things for your reasons; they’ll do them for their own. Ask yourself what’s most important to the person you’re trying to persuade. Money, safety, reputation, status, power? Figure out how your proposal will benefit him or her and then address those advantages.
​
5. Motivate them to “try on” your ideas. Ralph Waldo Emerson realized, “To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching.” The same is true of persuasion. If you pressure people with logic and try to point out the wisdom of your arguments, they may turn you down simply because they don’t like reasoning forced down their throats. The goal is to Socratically engage them with questions and vivid stories so they get out of the passive, resistive mode and see what you’re saying. As soon as they picture what’s being proposed and mentally answer your questions, they stop crossing their mental arms and start imagining your idea as if it were a done deal.
 
Now, as Paul Harvey would say . . . “for the rest of the story.”
 
Shelley succeeded in getting the lockers approved the second time around because she did her homework. She contacted a national fitness association and obtained data regarding the financial advantage of encouraging employees to exercise during their lunch hour. She located other corporations who were glad to talk about the health and workmen’s compensation benefits they’d reaped from installing changing/shower facilities for all staff members. Shelley neutralized the partners’ objections about lack of space by demonstrating the advantage of converting a little-used conference room.
 
When Shelley called to share her good news, she added a variation of Yogi Berra’s often-quoted line with this quip, “Looks like it’s not over ‘til the FIT lady sings.”
 
BRAVO! Next time you want something, invest the time to follow these Five Principles of Persuasion, and you can increase the likelihood of getting a green light to your proposal or project.
 

POP pitch expert and influential speaker, Sam Horn is president of Sam Horn Consulting-Keynotes-Creative (since 1981) Author of "Tongue Fu!" "POP" "ConZentrate," "What's Holding You Back?" "Take The Bully By The Horns," and "Tongue Fu At School!." Sam also is a corporate keynote speaker and presenter at major conferences on how individuals and organizations can communicate more cooperatively. She is also a 12-time Emcee of world-renowned Maui Writers Conference, where she works with authors to get their books out of their heads and into readers' hands.
 
Visit Sam Horn’s site http://www.SamHorn.com to learn more about what she dynamically does.
California office: 805-528-4351 Virginia office: 703-456-0870

© Copyright - Sam Horn 2018 - All rights reserved!

"
​Most people believe writing rests on two branches - creative writing and formal writing (business, academic). And there are those that think writers whom they admire were born with their so-called "gift." While it might seem that some do possess such a thing, writing is a craft; and like any craft it requires work. Talent alone is insufficient. In fact one does not need "talent" to write.
 
Another branch of writing exists, called Expressive writing (EW). Pioneered by social psychologist James Pennebaker, EW's goal's purpose is to free the mind of tensions and repressed emotions thus causing the individual to operate at their optimal best. Rigorous studies have been done on EW proving that it's powerful as it's helped students to increase their academic performance, organizations to effectively perform, EW has been used to enhance relationships, overcome personal trauma, increase memory, decrease life's stresses, clarifying personal goals so as to have a well-balanced and productive life.
 
​
Below are links to learn more about Expressive Writing.

James Pennebaker BBC Interview

How to do Expressive Writing

James Pennebaker's The Secret Life of Pronouns
 
Dr. Jordan Peterson
Self Authoring
 
As I previously mentioned: You do not need "talent" to write.


©2018 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

There was a moment in sports when employing a coach was unimaginable. Times and attitudes have changed. Now refusing to do so is unimaginable. A coach in today’s world makes the difference between Good or Great, no matter if we talk about Health or Wealth.

What are the “symptoms” of a great business-coach? What can inform us if the money and time are worth investing in one? As the Business Coaching industry continues to expand, prospective clients will eventually need to pay more and more attention to:

1. Determining the must-have skills and competency of a great business-coach.
2. Determining the value that will be provided.

Therefore, what prospective clients ought to be asking is: “How do I know how to choose a great business coach?” It begins with learning how to detect competency and congruency, or lack thereof, within the person calling themselves a “business-coach.” Paying attention body language, for example, posture, gestures, speech rate, their use of verbal-language, and vocal intonations are an important start, for it can also lead to uncovering the potential business-coach’s knowledge, experience, integrity, intelligence, fairness, and much more.

A great business-coach plays to his/her strengths; metaphorically speaking, they “don’t promise the sea as a gift when they don't know how the river flows.” They will know how to differentiate the methods and techniques to be used, which is based on the client’s real-time feedback .They’ll also possess proven methodologies and tools for success, for example, the coveted skill of Packing questions and Unpacking responses.

Packing determines the difference between a smart question and a stupid one. It also causes the client to strategically focus. A thought-provoking question changes the brain’s chemistry, re arranging the neurological paths, breaking the self defense mechanisms of the Ego. The more time the client spends thinking, because of the question posed to them, the better the Question is. “How do you know?” is definitely the best question ever. “How do you know when to be angry during a meeting and be nice during the next one?” “How do you know when to start being mad and furious?” Change takes time, so does the answer. The more reluctant the client is, the stronger the evidence is that the question broke the wall of inner self defense.

Knowing what to notice and how to draw out what’s relevant from what’s irrelevant within the client’s communication are vital. This is unpacking. And a great coach is a master of this skill. In other words, metaphorically speaking, they possess the ability to see the tree in the forest during foggy weather, instead of trying to clear the fog!”

A great business coach oftentimes has a strong NLP background. This enables them to recognize conscious and unconscious responses. Unconscious reluctance is a self-defense mechanism, meaning that the person is trying to defend their existing patterns, beliefs, or inner ideas that stops them from being successful.

The last but not the least, the best business coaches not only will help you to establish new roots or strengthen the useful ones, they’ll teach you tools you can utilize for a lifetime, and strategies to enter and maintain positive states during and beyond their coaching sessions that will allow you to reach your goal – the one you’ve chosen to make real.


Laura Ion,
Author, Business Coach, NLP Trainer

Author, Business Coach, NLP Trainer, Laura Ion has a specialized instinct for inspiring and moving people so that they can perform beyond their best. She has over 8 years experience in Middle and Top Management positions in national and multinational companies, and more than 5 years experience in Training/Facilitating and Business Coaching. Laura is also the author of "Lead the Way by Persuasion", book that teaches you how to become a skilled persuader, and powerful leader and how to perceive “change” of any kind  as an opportunity for growing and development.
 
Visit Laura’s website: www.BuyYourBrain,com Purchase Laura’s bestseller, "Lead the Way by Persuasion", on Amazon

 

We’ve heard it before: networking is more akin to farming than it is to hunting. The act of hunting to put food on the table creates an immediate result – we go and get it. But it’s unsustainable; we have to go get it again, and next month we have to go out and get it again. A hunter-networker is out there meeting people, building relationships, adding new contacts to her list, and in the end, the “prospective clients” she is putting into the top of her Business Development Funnel are prospects that she found. Hunting in this analogy simply means that the bulk of the prospects to whom we’re presenting our business are people that we brought to the table. Nothing wrong with it. If we have quotas to meet and overhead to cover, then we gotta hunt. Hunting, however, is based in linear dynamics and does not give us leverage. As Michael Gerber of the E-Myth book series likes to say, we’re out there “doing it, doing it, doing it”.

The philosophy of a farmer-networker is a complete paradigm shift. It is based in non-linear dynamics and provides access to leverage. This kind of networker is also out their meeting people, building relationships, adding contacts to his list, however, the prospects entering his Business Development Funnel are people that were referred to him by his strategic alliances, also known as referral sources, or what I like to call “power partners”. So then, how does the difference between these two “networking worldviews” manifest itself? When a hunting-oriented networker walks into a room at a networking function or an alumni gathering, what she will see is a “room full of prospects”. When the farming-oriented networker walks into the same event, what he will see is a “room full of gateways” leading to 100’s of potential clients.

Of course, the challenge for every farmer-networker is this: if everyone in that room is a potential gateway, and if a gateway will only “let me in the door” and act as a referral source if they know, like, and trust me, then there is clearly some nurturing and fertilizing to do before that relationship becomes a fruit-bearing resource. Yes, there is a time lag here. Which is why I recommend to my clients that they do both: while we put food on the table through our hunting activities, we intentionally launch a farming initiative so that we can wean ourselves off of our dependence on hunting, and experience the peace of mind that comes with sustainable results – reaping the benefits of cultivating relationships that bear fruit year after year.

The key phrase is “farming initiative”. When we launch an initiative, do we wing it or is there a plan? The most effective networkers are those with a long-term plan, just like the most effective farmers are those with a plan, who took the time to develop their agricultural skills, and learned how to use the tools that accelerate the process and maximize their effectiveness. Developing skills in farming (as in any profession or sport) takes time, and it takes the willingness to practice consistently. Sporadic efforts toward our networking (or any endeavor for that matter) will yield mediocre results at best.

There are many tools for accelerating our yield from networking, and as we master the use of these tools, we see our results blossom. The tool that is typically the most under-utilized, and that is one of the most leveraged activities in the networking toolbox, is that activity known as “Inviting”. Hours could be spent on how to use this tool to its maximum. Let’s take a moment and dip our toe in the water of Inviting.

Many of us have read or heard of the book, “Never Eat Alone,” by Keith Ferrazzi, in which he reminds us to take the time spent eating a meal and invest it simultaneously into cultivating a relationship.

And that’s why I like to say, “Never go to an event alone”.

There is no better way to leverage your networking (i.e., relationship cultivating) efforts than to include others from your network in the events you’re attending. You are already going to be there at that networking breakfast, or art opening, or book signing, or lecture on mind-body medicine. Look at your calendar and see what events you are scheduled to attend in the upcoming weeks, and with each event, ask yourself, “Which of my relationships can I water and fertilize by inviting them to join me?”

This is a game-changing question. And it is multi-dimensional (which is to be expected of anything based in non-linear dynamics). Here are just a few of the many layers to consider:

To access the Inviting tool, you must first answer this question: “Who are my potential invitees?” And we arrive at that answer by asking yet another question: “Who are my VIP’s?” The Very Important Person can be flocked together with others of the same feather. Ask yourself: “Which segments of my overall network are the most important ‘relationship crops’ that I want to nurture and fertilize on an ongoing basis? These would include current and past clients, prospective clients, referral sources and potential referral sources, mentors, and friends.

Once you identify your potential invitees, take a look at the events you’re already attending, and ask:

• Which of my VIP’s have an interest in the topic of this event?
• Which of my VIP’s would like to meet the types of people who are going to be attending this kind of event?
  
• Which of my VIP’s would I like to hang out with and get to know better – and this event sounds like a conducive environment to provide that opportunity?
  

And the masterful networker goes even deeper and asks:

• Serving as a Connector, who could I invite to this event that needs to meet each other? If I invite “Victor VIP”, who else could I invite that would be a favorable introduction for Victor’s business?

• Given that I could relate to the person holding/sponsoring/speaking at the event as a VIP herself (someone inspiring and influential that I’d like to nurture and develop), then who could I invite from my network that would be a potential referral or potential power partner for this VIP, thereby further cultivating my relationship with her?
  

Even if none of your invitees shows up at the event, the act of inviting them is where much of the magic lives. When they read your email invitation, or listen to your voice mail inviting them to the event, what they’re left with is, “How nice of Cynthia to think of me!” particularly if you include in your invitation wording along the lines of wanting to connect them to some other mover/shakers who will also be attending, or saying, “I thought this event would be a great way to check out some wonderful art (or get in some good networking) while at the same time learning more about you and how I can connect the right people to you.”

Through that kind of invitation, the relationship is never the same. You distinguish yourself. You stand out from the crowd of people that your contact has met the past few months. You register as valuable to them because you value them.

What goes around comes around. You get what you give. Networking is indeed like farming. Commit to mastering what it takes to efficiently and effectively harness the potential in your “relationship crops”. Learn the skills. Master the tools. And you will reap a bountiful harvest of mutually satisfying relationships and sustainable growth in your business.


A graduate of the Wharton School of Business, Cynthia Greenawalt is a leading trainer, consultant, and professional coach on networking and developing social capital.

Cynthia founded Sea Change Networking to address the demand for a senior level networking venue for developing high-value alliance building and mastering the principles behind her core methodology, “The Science and Art of Breakthrough Networking.” Contributing author of the New York Times bestseller, “Masters Of Networking,” and the Wall Street Journal bestseller, “Masters Of Success,” Cynthia provides business leaders with access to extraordinary results by developing their social capital and increasing their return on relationships. To learn more about Sea Change Networking and their initiatives, go to www.seachangenetworking.com

You are correct if you say we communicate using words- partially though! We also employ voice tone, gestures and body language, emotional state, clothing, the physical location (aka time/place setting) we occupy, and more; this is, in addition to the words we use. Even the lack of communicating is a form of communication. In short, we are always transmitting messages. We just cannot– not – communicate!

This non-stop sending of messages, intentionally, or not, does several things: One, it makes is highly likely that mis-communication will occur. Those among us who've lived a life have experienced the aforementioned, whether it’s you that misinterpreted the sender’s transmission, or the other way around. Two, it calls out a response from the receiver, somewhat like a stimulus response loop. For example, I say “good morning” to you and you respond in turn. Or with the intent of initiating a handshake, I extend my hand, and you do the same (providing you are polite).

Skilled negotiators and communicators understand the role their goals and intent play when crafting and delivering precise messages. They’re also keenly aware of the important role the receiver’s subjective experience of reality plays in how the message is received and interpreted.

Take note, because it’s on the level of subjectivity where mis-communication oftentimes occurs, hence the axiom: “The meaning of the communication is the response you get!”

Case in point: (names changed to protect the not-so-innocent) “Host and Wife” were having a private dinner for “Couple M & W”, new-found friends of theirs. In some cultures, it’s customary to take your shoes off upon entering a home. This is the practise Host and Wife observed as children, and still today as adults.

When Couple M & W arrived they had no idea about Host and Wife’s cultural protocol. So in they came, shoes and all. On top of this, Couple M & W graciously brought with them, because it was their customary practice to do so, to demonstrate politeness and grace, a gift, theirs was a cooked meal, which happened to be meat, for Host and Wife. What Couple M & W also didn't know was that Host and Wife were strict vegetarians.

From Host and Wife’s point of view they were being insulted – from the failure of their guests to remove their shoes, and that meat entered their home.

Couple and Wife realizing the ice-cold atmosphere getting even colder by the moment sincerely and whole-heartedly apologized and made the necessary adjustments. They explained that it was not their intent to offend.

Who’s right versus who’s wrong, in an interaction, sparked by a misunderstanding, is irrelevant, Because from their point of view, and from the intent of all parties involved, all are right!

This subjective world is rich and vast. As such you can't be error proof when sending messages; but you can reduce the likelihood. If  a perceived misunderstanding arises, apologize, error correct, explain your intent and find common ground so you and the other person can move forward.

“Treat people the way you want to be treated!” is not only dumb, but a false adage that's gone unchallenged. It's akin to saying "fight fire with fire," when water quenches fire. Like a virus, the former (and latter) has infected various communication models.... “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” Thinking from this view point allows one to behave differently, whether you're the message's sender or receiver. Saying it another way...whether you are the sender or receiver, get to know the other's worldview. You will learn more about each other. And you will literally be discovering how "each other prefers to be served," so to speak!


©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

What are the eight traits successful people have in common? Watch (or listen). Be surprised how easy it is to adopt these traits in your lives.

Many business owners and managers see corporate social responsibility (CSR) as something that’s ‘nice to do’ but not really connected to growing the business and profits. Just the other day I had an experience that shows how wrong this is….

I took part in a training exercise where half the class pretended to be ‘employers’. The other half of the class pretended to be ‘potential employees.’ We (the ‘employers’) had to find a way to attract the ‘employees’ to come and work for us.

Sounds simple? Well I thought so. I was an employer offering flexible working hours, a great salary and career development. Yet my new recruits were undecided. But then I spoke about our corporate social responsibility program and they were suddenly a whole lot more enthusiastic. I signed them up.

Okay, so it was only a game. But it is a great example of how corporate social responsibility (CSR) can make all the difference to your competitive position. Initiatives such as pro bono work, philanthropy, support for community-building initiatives and environmental awareness can add significant value to your company, and if the program is well designed the benefits far outweigh the costs.

An easy way for your company to build its brand, reputation and public profile

Being socially responsible creates goodwill and a positive image for your brand. Trust and a good reputation are some of your company’s most valuable assets. In fact, without these, you wouldn’t even have a business. You can nurture these important assets by being socially responsible.

It is however, crucial that you devise the right socially responsible program for your business. When used properly, it will open up a myriad of new relationships and opportunities. Not only will your success grow, but so will your company’s culture. It will become a culture which you, your staff and the wider community genuinely believe in.

Corporate Social Responsibility attracts and retains staff

Did you know that socially responsible companies report increased employee commitment, performance and job satisfaction? Yes, it is in us all to want to do ‘good’ (and perhaps be recognised for it). Our lives become meaningful when we realise our work has made a positive difference in some way. It makes all our striving worth it. In fact, a 2003 Stanford University study found MBA graduates would sacrifice an average $US13700 cut in their salary to work for a socially responsible company.  By attracting, retaining and engaging staff, ‘doing good’ for others reduces your recruitment costs and improves work productivity. It’s just plain good all round!

Customers are attracted to socially responsible companies

Branding your business as ‘socially responsible’ differentiates you from your competitors. The Body Shop and Westpac are companies who have used this to their advantage. Developing innovative products that are environmentally or socially responsible adds value and gives people a good reason to buy from you.

Corporate Social Responsibility attracts investors

Investors and financiers are attracted to companies who are socially responsible. These decision-makers know this reflects good management and a positive reputation. Don’t underestimate this influence; it can be just as important as your company’s financial performance. In fact, it may be the deciding factor in choosing to support your company.

Corporate Social Responsibility encourages professional (and personal) growth

Your staff can develop their leadership and project management skills through a well-designed corporate social responsibility program. This may be as simple as team building exercises, encouraging your employees to form relationships with people they would not normally meet (like disadvantaged groups).

Corporate Social Responsibility helps to cut your business costs

Environmental initiatives such as recycling and conserving energy increase in-house efficiency and cut costs. Introducing a corporate social responsibility program gives you a good reason to examine and improve on your spending!

 Two important tips for you

Before you rush into your own corporate social responsibility program remember:

• You must implement your program strategically. Just giving a donation is not enough. The best corporate social responsibility programs are based on a two-way relationship with you and each of the organisations you are involved with. This allows both parties to be challenged and grow together.

• Your corporate social responsibility commitments should be in line with the values of your company, customers and staff. Most importantly, they must be based on a genuine concern for people and the community. You do not want the program to back-fire; making you seem hypocritical. A poor strategy will cause people to become cynical and distrustful of your company.

But all in all, corporate social responsibility makes financial sense, adds meaning to your work and makes everyone feel good!

 So what should you do next?

It is a highly competitive world out there. If you want people to buy from you, work for you and invest in you – look seriously at corporate social responsibility.


With over 25 years as the co-owner of a successful engineering business combined with a background in leadership development and education, Dianne Taylor brings a wealth of experience to her clients. Dianne’s practical experience is supported by qualifications in coaching, training, business and human resource management. She is a former lecturer in Leadership at Monash University and serves as a Director on several Boards. She can be contacted at dtaylor@siriusbusiness.com.au

Ethan Hunt’s mission (Tom Cruise- Mission Impossible 4), that he’s already accepted, is to pacify a diabolical master-mind bent on starting World War III is. To do this, Ethan needs access to the highly-secured server room nestled within the world’s tallest building, the Burj Kahlifa All “safe” options to enter this room are useless. The last available course of action is a ‘take or leave it option’ – entering from the outside… And off he goes, in Ethan Hunt fashion, scaling the building, unaided by a harness – but by futuristic suction-gloves.

A glove malfunctions, leaving Ethan dangling 3,000 feet from death. Oh, did I mention that a skin-stripping sandstorm is just off the horizon, gunning directly towards him? I would say Ethan Hunt has a – “problem”….

Whether in the cinematic world or in this “real” one, when wishful expectations fail to match what actually occurs in reality, that’s when we realize a problem exists. But, truth be told, the problem isn't usually the problem; it’s how we deal with it. This is key.

We all have reflexive responses for dealing with common situations which arise. Some work well, others don’t; the interesting thing is, we continue to employ tactics we know are useless, like ignoring, making excuses, blaming others for a problem, etc. and keep getting the same empty results. It’s like beating one’s head against the wall – stop!

Recognizing that a problem exists also presupposes that a solution is present, though hidden – temporarily. Albert Einstein famously said, “…The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them!...” In other words, if we are to unearth solutions for what we perceive to be an existing issue of concern, then a revolutionary perspective, a new way of thinking needs to be exercised.

We can start by first defining what the problem is. This requires several things: One, we take some responsibility for the issue at hand. Simply put, what was your role in making the problem exist? What did or didn’t you do? For example, your consistent cell-phone usage while driving consistently gets you pulled over by a police-officer who routinely gives you a ticket. Blaming or arguing with the officer does not solve the issue. Taking some responsibility for the act offers you a new vantage point from which you can *see solutions for your problem.

Second, focus on solutions. Visualize the outcome; ask solutions-based questions, instead of riveting your attention on the problem, thus feeding it unnecessary energy. Adding to the example above, instead of the driver paying attention to the anger and frustration triggered by receiving the ticket, he/she can focus on safe driving, and ask solution-based questions such as, “How can I eliminate getting tickets and drive safely on the road?” (Can you construct additional creative solutions-based questions?)

Third, we've either said these words, or have heard someone say them, “I need to get some space, some distance from the problem!” A hidden power resides in this statement. However you do it, physically or mentally, putting distance between you and the scenario in question shifts your state of mind and perspective, thus helping you to find creative solutions.

Adopting useful beliefs are also important when searching for creative solutions. Beliefs aren't “wrong or right,” per se; they are just useful, because they act as discriminating doorways, halting incompatible thoughts, ideas, and behaviors from entering one’s mind-space. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) contains many useful beliefs that can be applied to solutions-based thinking.

Some of the following are:

• Failure versus Feedback
  

We've all seen movies where the hero fires a heat-seeking missile at the villain. But the agile villain constantly dodges it, causing the missile to fail in connecting with its target. But the missile, as if it has a mind of its own - self- corrects - and gets back on its aggressive course…and does connect with its target. Failure versus feedback can be likened to this missile. Instead of calling your results, a failure, think of them as - feedback. It’s this information feedback you use to re-calibrate, so that when you get back on course, you’re armed with additional data on how to navigate, the best way to get things done, so you accomplish your goal.

•  Humans Have the Resources to Affect Change
  

Most of us have become accustomed to doing things a certain way. This oftentimes can lead us to believe that no other approaches exist to get the same task done, and that problems are bound to occur when this singular tactic can no longer be used. As previously stated, beliefs are neither wrong nor right, but useful.

Finding ourselves in a pinch is no excuse for staying there. Adopting the belief that we have the ability and power to influence our outcome is a good step in the right direction. For example, Ethan Hunt, after having gained access to the server-room, now must urgently get back to his team – asap! However, from the looks of things, he’s in some serious trouble:… Both of his futuristic climbing gloves (the only climbing gear he has) are destroyed, he’s several-thousand feet up, a dreaded sand-storm is minutes away, and he can’t use the elevators. What’s he to do?

If action reveals character, then it’s clear from witnessing Ethan Hunt’s previous exploits that he possesses certain abilities: He has the mental prowess to push aside fears; he can prioritise, focus and he’s always committed to a cause. These qualities are what Ethan accesses and utilizes…Ethan Hunt straps himself to on one end of a fire-hose, throws the other end out the window and races down the side of the building, … escaping, without the use of magical powers, but by taking advantage of resources that are already within him.

Like Ethan, we, too, can utilize the built-in resources unique to each of us, and also what's within our control to discover solutions. Examples of people doing such things, refusing let their circumstances limit or imprison them, are abundant.



©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com