... beliefs and construals can actually alter our reality. ... As an example, take intelligence, something that many people believe to be a genetically predetermined entity. ...
 
... If you are an incremental theorist, you believe that intelligence is fluid. If you work harder, learn more, apply yourself better, you will become smarter. If, on the other hand, you are an entity theorist, you believe that intelligence is fixed. Try as you might, you will remain as smart (or not) as you were before. ... how someone performs, especially in reacting to failure, largely depends on which of the two beliefs he espouses. An incremental theorist sees failure as a learning opportunity; an entity theorist, as a frustrating personal shortcoming that cannot be remedied. ...
 
...At the end, I keep coming back to Hamlet, ..., “Why then ’tis none for you; for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” To Hamlet, Denmark is a prison; to his companions, it is no more so than the world at large. How they see it affects how it is—not inherently good or bad, but good or bad as perceived through their own frame of mind...: our world is what we perceive it to be, and our place in it, how we imagine it.

​If we think of ourselves as able to learn, learn we will—and if we think we are doomed to fail, we doom ourselves ...  To view full article CLICK HERE

​




​

Maria Konnikova is a writer living in New York City, where she works on an assortment of non-fiction and fiction. Her first book, MASTERMIND (Viking, 2013), was a New York Times bestseller. She previously wrote the popular psychology blog Artful Choice on Big Think. Her writing has appeared in publications that include The New Yorker, The Atlantic, The New York Times, Slate, The Wall Street Journal, The Paris Review, Salon, and The New Republic, among many others. She graduated magna cum laude from Harvard University, where she studied psychology, creative writing, and government, and received her PhD in Psychology from Columbia University. Most mornings, Maria can be found in a yoga studio. Most afternoons, she can be found writing, reading, or conducting definitive explorations into the workings of the human mind. 

Follow Maria on Twitter @mkonnikova 
Website: www.MariaKonnikova.com ​

"Change the way you think, changes the way you feel and changes what you do!"

Biohacker & NLP Trainer, Melina Vicario interviews Richard Bandler about his new book Thinking on Purpose: A 15-Day Plan to a Smarter Life and the practical strategies within it that you can immediately put to use. 

​DO YOU HAVE something you want to propose?
 
Having a valid case isn’t enough. To get a yes, you must first summon the courage to ask for what you want, need or deserve, and then present your ideas with timing, sensitivity and skill so your listener is motivated to give you the go ahead.
 
Shelley, an athletic friend who works as a law clerk in a Washington D.C. law firm, spent every noon hour jogging on the paths bordering the Smithsonian. She loved getting outside for the exercise, but didn’t enjoy having to change back into her professional clothes without the benefit of a shower. She approached the partners and proposed that a women’s locker room be installed, similar to the one provided for male employees. They turned her down flat, citing the expense, lack of space, and so on. Shelley called me and said, “Help?!”
 
THE FIRST THING I did was compliment her on not relinquishing her dream. Then, I recommended she use these Five Principles of Persuasion to make it come true.
 
1. Walk in with positive expectations. Have you ever approached someone with a suggestion while inside you were thinking, “This is a waste of time. They’ll never approve this.” If you don’t believe your idea stands a chance, how can they? Talk yourself into a state of optimism (“I know this is worthwhile”) so you can go in with the courage of your convictions. As Winston Churchill said, “Before convincing others, we ourselves must be convinced.”
 
2. Anticipate and voice their objections. Determine why they might turn you down, and then state their arguments first. If you don't preface your points with their objections, they won’t even be listening to you; they’ll be waiting for their turn to talk so they can tell you why your recommendation won’t work. If you predict they’ll protest with, “We don’t have the money for this in our budget,” then guess what the first words out of your mouth better be? “You may be thinking we don’t have the funds available, and if I can have your attention for the next ten minutes, I can show how this will save us this amount of money in the first three weeks of operation.”
 
3. Number and document each point. The easiest and quickest way to lend legitimacy to points is to number them. Enumerating evidence makes material sound like facts rather than opinion so it carries more weight. Furthermore, listeners can understand and remember what’s being said more easily because of the clear structure. As a professional speaker for more than 20 years, I’ve learned the most powerful way to get a message across is to follow this pattern: make a point, give an example; make a point, give an example. Audiences relate to and remember examples, which give real-life “proof” of the benefits of what you’re proposing.
 
4. Meet their needs and speak their language. Avoid using the word I, as in “I think a locker room will be welcomed by our employees.” People won’t do things for your reasons; they’ll do them for their own. Ask yourself what’s most important to the person you’re trying to persuade. Money, safety, reputation, status, power? Figure out how your proposal will benefit him or her and then address those advantages.
​
5. Motivate them to “try on” your ideas. Ralph Waldo Emerson realized, “To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching.” The same is true of persuasion. If you pressure people with logic and try to point out the wisdom of your arguments, they may turn you down simply because they don’t like reasoning forced down their throats. The goal is to Socratically engage them with questions and vivid stories so they get out of the passive, resistive mode and see what you’re saying. As soon as they picture what’s being proposed and mentally answer your questions, they stop crossing their mental arms and start imagining your idea as if it were a done deal.
 
Now, as Paul Harvey would say . . . “for the rest of the story.”
 
Shelley succeeded in getting the lockers approved the second time around because she did her homework. She contacted a national fitness association and obtained data regarding the financial advantage of encouraging employees to exercise during their lunch hour. She located other corporations who were glad to talk about the health and workmen’s compensation benefits they’d reaped from installing changing/shower facilities for all staff members. Shelley neutralized the partners’ objections about lack of space by demonstrating the advantage of converting a little-used conference room.
 
When Shelley called to share her good news, she added a variation of Yogi Berra’s often-quoted line with this quip, “Looks like it’s not over ‘til the FIT lady sings.”
 
BRAVO! Next time you want something, invest the time to follow these Five Principles of Persuasion, and you can increase the likelihood of getting a green light to your proposal or project.
 

POP pitch expert and influential speaker, Sam Horn is president of Sam Horn Consulting-Keynotes-Creative (since 1981) Author of "Tongue Fu!" "POP" "ConZentrate," "What's Holding You Back?" "Take The Bully By The Horns," and "Tongue Fu At School!." Sam also is a corporate keynote speaker and presenter at major conferences on how individuals and organizations can communicate more cooperatively. She is also a 12-time Emcee of world-renowned Maui Writers Conference, where she works with authors to get their books out of their heads and into readers' hands.
 
Visit Sam Horn’s site http://www.SamHorn.com to learn more about what she dynamically does.
California office: 805-528-4351 Virginia office: 703-456-0870

© Copyright - Sam Horn 2018 - All rights reserved!

"
​Most people believe writing rests on two branches - creative writing and formal writing (business, academic). And there are those that think writers whom they admire were born with their so-called "gift." While it might seem that some do possess such a thing, writing is a craft; and like any craft it requires work. Talent alone is insufficient. In fact one does not need "talent" to write.
 
Another branch of writing exists, called Expressive writing (EW). Pioneered by social psychologist James Pennebaker, EW's goal's purpose is to free the mind of tensions and repressed emotions thus causing the individual to operate at their optimal best. Rigorous studies have been done on EW proving that it's powerful as it's helped students to increase their academic performance, organizations to effectively perform, EW has been used to enhance relationships, overcome personal trauma, increase memory, decrease life's stresses, clarifying personal goals so as to have a well-balanced and productive life.
 
​
Below are links to learn more about Expressive Writing.

James Pennebaker BBC Interview

How to do Expressive Writing

James Pennebaker's The Secret Life of Pronouns
 
Dr. Jordan Peterson
Self Authoring
 
As I previously mentioned: You do not need "talent" to write.


©2018 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

We’ve heard it before: networking is more akin to farming than it is to hunting. The act of hunting to put food on the table creates an immediate result – we go and get it. But it’s unsustainable; we have to go get it again, and next month we have to go out and get it again. A hunter-networker is out there meeting people, building relationships, adding new contacts to her list, and in the end, the “prospective clients” she is putting into the top of her Business Development Funnel are prospects that she found. Hunting in this analogy simply means that the bulk of the prospects to whom we’re presenting our business are people that we brought to the table. Nothing wrong with it. If we have quotas to meet and overhead to cover, then we gotta hunt. Hunting, however, is based in linear dynamics and does not give us leverage. As Michael Gerber of the E-Myth book series likes to say, we’re out there “doing it, doing it, doing it”.

The philosophy of a farmer-networker is a complete paradigm shift. It is based in non-linear dynamics and provides access to leverage. This kind of networker is also out their meeting people, building relationships, adding contacts to his list, however, the prospects entering his Business Development Funnel are people that were referred to him by his strategic alliances, also known as referral sources, or what I like to call “power partners”. So then, how does the difference between these two “networking worldviews” manifest itself? When a hunting-oriented networker walks into a room at a networking function or an alumni gathering, what she will see is a “room full of prospects”. When the farming-oriented networker walks into the same event, what he will see is a “room full of gateways” leading to 100’s of potential clients.

Of course, the challenge for every farmer-networker is this: if everyone in that room is a potential gateway, and if a gateway will only “let me in the door” and act as a referral source if they know, like, and trust me, then there is clearly some nurturing and fertilizing to do before that relationship becomes a fruit-bearing resource. Yes, there is a time lag here. Which is why I recommend to my clients that they do both: while we put food on the table through our hunting activities, we intentionally launch a farming initiative so that we can wean ourselves off of our dependence on hunting, and experience the peace of mind that comes with sustainable results – reaping the benefits of cultivating relationships that bear fruit year after year.

The key phrase is “farming initiative”. When we launch an initiative, do we wing it or is there a plan? The most effective networkers are those with a long-term plan, just like the most effective farmers are those with a plan, who took the time to develop their agricultural skills, and learned how to use the tools that accelerate the process and maximize their effectiveness. Developing skills in farming (as in any profession or sport) takes time, and it takes the willingness to practice consistently. Sporadic efforts toward our networking (or any endeavor for that matter) will yield mediocre results at best.

There are many tools for accelerating our yield from networking, and as we master the use of these tools, we see our results blossom. The tool that is typically the most under-utilized, and that is one of the most leveraged activities in the networking toolbox, is that activity known as “Inviting”. Hours could be spent on how to use this tool to its maximum. Let’s take a moment and dip our toe in the water of Inviting.

Many of us have read or heard of the book, “Never Eat Alone,” by Keith Ferrazzi, in which he reminds us to take the time spent eating a meal and invest it simultaneously into cultivating a relationship.

And that’s why I like to say, “Never go to an event alone”.

There is no better way to leverage your networking (i.e., relationship cultivating) efforts than to include others from your network in the events you’re attending. You are already going to be there at that networking breakfast, or art opening, or book signing, or lecture on mind-body medicine. Look at your calendar and see what events you are scheduled to attend in the upcoming weeks, and with each event, ask yourself, “Which of my relationships can I water and fertilize by inviting them to join me?”

This is a game-changing question. And it is multi-dimensional (which is to be expected of anything based in non-linear dynamics). Here are just a few of the many layers to consider:

To access the Inviting tool, you must first answer this question: “Who are my potential invitees?” And we arrive at that answer by asking yet another question: “Who are my VIP’s?” The Very Important Person can be flocked together with others of the same feather. Ask yourself: “Which segments of my overall network are the most important ‘relationship crops’ that I want to nurture and fertilize on an ongoing basis? These would include current and past clients, prospective clients, referral sources and potential referral sources, mentors, and friends.

Once you identify your potential invitees, take a look at the events you’re already attending, and ask:

• Which of my VIP’s have an interest in the topic of this event?
• Which of my VIP’s would like to meet the types of people who are going to be attending this kind of event?
  
• Which of my VIP’s would I like to hang out with and get to know better – and this event sounds like a conducive environment to provide that opportunity?
  

And the masterful networker goes even deeper and asks:

• Serving as a Connector, who could I invite to this event that needs to meet each other? If I invite “Victor VIP”, who else could I invite that would be a favorable introduction for Victor’s business?

• Given that I could relate to the person holding/sponsoring/speaking at the event as a VIP herself (someone inspiring and influential that I’d like to nurture and develop), then who could I invite from my network that would be a potential referral or potential power partner for this VIP, thereby further cultivating my relationship with her?
  

Even if none of your invitees shows up at the event, the act of inviting them is where much of the magic lives. When they read your email invitation, or listen to your voice mail inviting them to the event, what they’re left with is, “How nice of Cynthia to think of me!” particularly if you include in your invitation wording along the lines of wanting to connect them to some other mover/shakers who will also be attending, or saying, “I thought this event would be a great way to check out some wonderful art (or get in some good networking) while at the same time learning more about you and how I can connect the right people to you.”

Through that kind of invitation, the relationship is never the same. You distinguish yourself. You stand out from the crowd of people that your contact has met the past few months. You register as valuable to them because you value them.

What goes around comes around. You get what you give. Networking is indeed like farming. Commit to mastering what it takes to efficiently and effectively harness the potential in your “relationship crops”. Learn the skills. Master the tools. And you will reap a bountiful harvest of mutually satisfying relationships and sustainable growth in your business.


A graduate of the Wharton School of Business, Cynthia Greenawalt is a leading trainer, consultant, and professional coach on networking and developing social capital.

Cynthia founded Sea Change Networking to address the demand for a senior level networking venue for developing high-value alliance building and mastering the principles behind her core methodology, “The Science and Art of Breakthrough Networking.” Contributing author of the New York Times bestseller, “Masters Of Networking,” and the Wall Street Journal bestseller, “Masters Of Success,” Cynthia provides business leaders with access to extraordinary results by developing their social capital and increasing their return on relationships. To learn more about Sea Change Networking and their initiatives, go to www.seachangenetworking.com

Gestures are often overlooked; yet, they are powerful tools when used properly during communication. NLP founders, Bandler & Grinder, modeled world-renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir. They creatively applied her successful methods in a variety of communication contexts outside the therapeutic sphere. This helped to bring Virginia's work into the mainstream. 

Power is truly in your hands.

You are correct if you say we communicate using words- partially though! We also employ voice tone, gestures and body language, emotional state, clothing, the physical location (aka time/place setting) we occupy, and more; this is, in addition to the words we use. Even the lack of communicating is a form of communication. In short, we are always transmitting messages. We just cannot– not – communicate!

This non-stop sending of messages, intentionally, or not, does several things: One, it makes is highly likely that mis-communication will occur. Those among us who've lived a life have experienced the aforementioned, whether it’s you that misinterpreted the sender’s transmission, or the other way around. Two, it calls out a response from the receiver, somewhat like a stimulus response loop. For example, I say “good morning” to you and you respond in turn. Or with the intent of initiating a handshake, I extend my hand, and you do the same (providing you are polite).

Skilled negotiators and communicators understand the role their goals and intent play when crafting and delivering precise messages. They’re also keenly aware of the important role the receiver’s subjective experience of reality plays in how the message is received and interpreted.

Take note, because it’s on the level of subjectivity where mis-communication oftentimes occurs, hence the axiom: “The meaning of the communication is the response you get!”

Case in point: (names changed to protect the not-so-innocent) “Host and Wife” were having a private dinner for “Couple M & W”, new-found friends of theirs. In some cultures, it’s customary to take your shoes off upon entering a home. This is the practise Host and Wife observed as children, and still today as adults.

When Couple M & W arrived they had no idea about Host and Wife’s cultural protocol. So in they came, shoes and all. On top of this, Couple M & W graciously brought with them, because it was their customary practice to do so, to demonstrate politeness and grace, a gift, theirs was a cooked meal, which happened to be meat, for Host and Wife. What Couple M & W also didn't know was that Host and Wife were strict vegetarians.

From Host and Wife’s point of view they were being insulted – from the failure of their guests to remove their shoes, and that meat entered their home.

Couple and Wife realizing the ice-cold atmosphere getting even colder by the moment sincerely and whole-heartedly apologized and made the necessary adjustments. They explained that it was not their intent to offend.

Who’s right versus who’s wrong, in an interaction, sparked by a misunderstanding, is irrelevant, Because from their point of view, and from the intent of all parties involved, all are right!

This subjective world is rich and vast. As such you can't be error proof when sending messages; but you can reduce the likelihood. If  a perceived misunderstanding arises, apologize, error correct, explain your intent and find common ground so you and the other person can move forward.

“Treat people the way you want to be treated!” is not only dumb, but a false adage that's gone unchallenged. It's akin to saying "fight fire with fire," when water quenches fire. Like a virus, the former (and latter) has infected various communication models.... “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” Thinking from this view point allows one to behave differently, whether you're the message's sender or receiver. Saying it another way...whether you are the sender or receiver, get to know the other's worldview. You will learn more about each other. And you will literally be discovering how "each other prefers to be served," so to speak!


©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Ethan Hunt’s mission (Tom Cruise- Mission Impossible 4), that he’s already accepted, is to pacify a diabolical master-mind bent on starting World War III is. To do this, Ethan needs access to the highly-secured server room nestled within the world’s tallest building, the Burj Kahlifa All “safe” options to enter this room are useless. The last available course of action is a ‘take or leave it option’ – entering from the outside… And off he goes, in Ethan Hunt fashion, scaling the building, unaided by a harness – but by futuristic suction-gloves.

A glove malfunctions, leaving Ethan dangling 3,000 feet from death. Oh, did I mention that a skin-stripping sandstorm is just off the horizon, gunning directly towards him? I would say Ethan Hunt has a – “problem”….

Whether in the cinematic world or in this “real” one, when wishful expectations fail to match what actually occurs in reality, that’s when we realize a problem exists. But, truth be told, the problem isn't usually the problem; it’s how we deal with it. This is key.

We all have reflexive responses for dealing with common situations which arise. Some work well, others don’t; the interesting thing is, we continue to employ tactics we know are useless, like ignoring, making excuses, blaming others for a problem, etc. and keep getting the same empty results. It’s like beating one’s head against the wall – stop!

Recognizing that a problem exists also presupposes that a solution is present, though hidden – temporarily. Albert Einstein famously said, “…The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them!...” In other words, if we are to unearth solutions for what we perceive to be an existing issue of concern, then a revolutionary perspective, a new way of thinking needs to be exercised.

We can start by first defining what the problem is. This requires several things: One, we take some responsibility for the issue at hand. Simply put, what was your role in making the problem exist? What did or didn’t you do? For example, your consistent cell-phone usage while driving consistently gets you pulled over by a police-officer who routinely gives you a ticket. Blaming or arguing with the officer does not solve the issue. Taking some responsibility for the act offers you a new vantage point from which you can *see solutions for your problem.

Second, focus on solutions. Visualize the outcome; ask solutions-based questions, instead of riveting your attention on the problem, thus feeding it unnecessary energy. Adding to the example above, instead of the driver paying attention to the anger and frustration triggered by receiving the ticket, he/she can focus on safe driving, and ask solution-based questions such as, “How can I eliminate getting tickets and drive safely on the road?” (Can you construct additional creative solutions-based questions?)

Third, we've either said these words, or have heard someone say them, “I need to get some space, some distance from the problem!” A hidden power resides in this statement. However you do it, physically or mentally, putting distance between you and the scenario in question shifts your state of mind and perspective, thus helping you to find creative solutions.

Adopting useful beliefs are also important when searching for creative solutions. Beliefs aren't “wrong or right,” per se; they are just useful, because they act as discriminating doorways, halting incompatible thoughts, ideas, and behaviors from entering one’s mind-space. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) contains many useful beliefs that can be applied to solutions-based thinking.

Some of the following are:

• Failure versus Feedback
  

We've all seen movies where the hero fires a heat-seeking missile at the villain. But the agile villain constantly dodges it, causing the missile to fail in connecting with its target. But the missile, as if it has a mind of its own - self- corrects - and gets back on its aggressive course…and does connect with its target. Failure versus feedback can be likened to this missile. Instead of calling your results, a failure, think of them as - feedback. It’s this information feedback you use to re-calibrate, so that when you get back on course, you’re armed with additional data on how to navigate, the best way to get things done, so you accomplish your goal.

•  Humans Have the Resources to Affect Change
  

Most of us have become accustomed to doing things a certain way. This oftentimes can lead us to believe that no other approaches exist to get the same task done, and that problems are bound to occur when this singular tactic can no longer be used. As previously stated, beliefs are neither wrong nor right, but useful.

Finding ourselves in a pinch is no excuse for staying there. Adopting the belief that we have the ability and power to influence our outcome is a good step in the right direction. For example, Ethan Hunt, after having gained access to the server-room, now must urgently get back to his team – asap! However, from the looks of things, he’s in some serious trouble:… Both of his futuristic climbing gloves (the only climbing gear he has) are destroyed, he’s several-thousand feet up, a dreaded sand-storm is minutes away, and he can’t use the elevators. What’s he to do?

If action reveals character, then it’s clear from witnessing Ethan Hunt’s previous exploits that he possesses certain abilities: He has the mental prowess to push aside fears; he can prioritise, focus and he’s always committed to a cause. These qualities are what Ethan accesses and utilizes…Ethan Hunt straps himself to on one end of a fire-hose, throws the other end out the window and races down the side of the building, … escaping, without the use of magical powers, but by taking advantage of resources that are already within him.

Like Ethan, we, too, can utilize the built-in resources unique to each of us, and also what's within our control to discover solutions. Examples of people doing such things, refusing let their circumstances limit or imprison them, are abundant.



©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

As you are listening to celebrated author Chimananda Ngoze Adiche’s TED Talk, keep the following in mind: –
“The 'Power' of a single Story” and the impact is has on point of view."

The stories we are exposed to, and the ones we tell ourselves, help to frame and shape our self-perception, and how we experience the world we live in.

Earlier this year, I had the fortune to work in my capacity as a performance coach with the Stirling Clansmen (the 2014 American Football British National Champions). Although I played a very small part in helping them get in the right frame of mind to play their best, what I learned from observing them taught me some extremely valuable lessons.

The most important lesson that I learned was in observing what I call relentless discipline. The Stirling football coaches cultivated a culture on the team that was extremely impressive. They emphasised over and over again the essential need to be consistent in everything they did. They worked hard on the pitch and were well behaved off it. The importance of a code of behaviour was instilled quite brilliantly.

I’ve never had a more receptive audience than the 40 strong Stirling group. They were hungry for success and cohesively resonating with that hunger. They seemed to have a deep understanding that their conduct would determine how they would perform. Their values all seemed aligned.

To me, that is where relentless discipline comes from. It comes from the ability to communicate the importance of being a certain way in all aspects of your behaviour. For to become a champion, you really must become a champion. These champions became champions before they won the title. They became champions by how they acted. They acted like any great sporting icon. They worked as hard as they could work. They supported each other and they respected their opposition and anyone involved in the game.

I see discipline as the art of getting yourself to consistently behave in a certain way regardless of how you feel. When I go to the gym, I rarely go because I’m excited about it. I go because I know it’s really important for me. I made that decision because I decided I would value it. I made that decision because I decided to become that kind of person.

We often look to our behaviour to define who we are. When this team looked at their own behaviour, they could see real professionalism. They could see champions. This ensured that their discipline became relentless.

The trick is, if we want to succeed in any chosen area of life, we need to value relentless discipline as being exceptionally important. We need to remind ourselves that success isn't easy and the choices about how hard we are going to work and how consistently we will do so is going to determine whether we are successful or not. The beautiful thing is that it is up to us. It is up to what we choose to give value to. And we need to see ourselves as ‘that kind of person’. That’s a secret of champions.


Owen Fitzpatrick is an International Trainer and Practical Psychologist. He is co-author of six books which have been translated into more than a dozen languages. Owen is also co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP, the largest NLP training company in Ireland. He is also a qualified Psychologist, Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist. Owen has also featured as the presenter expert on his primetime television show 'Not Enough Hours' on Irish Television.

Note: Check out Owen's newest bestseller, the sequel to "Conversations" called " Memories: Hope is the Question"
You can post your comments about the book on Facebook

“Can you recommend some CD’s on hypnosis that I can listen to, because I want to be smarter?” Alan asked me (name changed to protect the so-called innocent). I've never been asked this before, not until now. It’s not for me to pass judgment on any inquiries. No matter how unique they may be. For we want what we want in order to satisfy values, intentions, needs, wants or desires.

You don’t have to look very far to find an infinite amount of hypnosis-based products promising all types of gains. I could have easily recommended several to Alan, and that would have been the end of it, much like the automatic behaviors we engage in, for example, shaking hands. One person first extends their hand. The other person - without thought - reciprocates. Both hands meet, resulting in a handshake.

Alan said something which made me curious. To be specific, it was a word he used- “smart!” What did Alan mean? What was his definition of that particular word?

I had options at this point: I could’ve asked Alan to clarify what he meant by the word, or to clarify what he meant by the statement. Or even to ask how does he know that a hypnosis product will give him what he wants?...

I did none of the above. Instead, I went in search of this word’s history. I discovered it (smart) comes from the Old-English term “smeart” which had several related meanings: sharp, precise, trim, quick wit, active, clever. This utterance got diluted over time, and lost some of its initial meaning. Today everyone uses this word (smart) in their own way.

It turned out what Alan really wanted was to be more precise in his thinking - at certain times - and on specific topics important to him, so that he felt more satisfied, more confident with actions he took afterwards. Put another way, tools for better decision-making were what he wanted.

If we want to be in a position where we are certain we’re making the best decision(s) possible, satisfied with the actions we’ve taken, have options to choose from, and feel good about the choices we’ve made, - the output, then it’s best to gather as much information possible about the subject we are focused on. This is the input phase.  Tools to help you do that are abundant, with the most direct one being – questions! The quality of your answers rests on the quality of your questions.

The Meta Model or Journalistic Questions are great tools to help you to generate quality information-gathering questions. The more information you have, the better the processing strategies your mind will engage in. Think about it. The mind needs something to work on. The great writers, past and present (and future ones), understand that in order to write, to produce a meaningful piece of work, they must – read! Read to write. “Reading” doesn’t imply books only, but reading the world, the environment you live in and are surrounded by. This act of reading for the writer, this immersion, is really the information-gathering phase, or, as advertising executive, Tor Myhren, calls it “inspiration overload,” the step that gets his creative juices moving.

Another key driver for success is our state of mind. For if we are seeking to enhance the quality of our thoughts and behaviors we need to take this into account. There is a specific state for a specific activity! What states of mind do you think: endurance swimmer, Diana Nyad, the fastest man alive, Usain Bolt, Bookkeeper, Antoinette Tuff, world-class public speakers, or even individuals who've changed the world, entertain, so they can perform at an optimal level? This then begs the question: “What states of mind must you activate if you want to produce the right thoughts and actions?”

Other strategies for input are:

• Having and experiencing multiple points of views on a single subject.
  
• Putting yourself in situations that cause you to grow, to learn. In other words, get out of your comfort zone. 
  
•  Self-reflection.
  
• Exercise: The brain is a glutton for glucose and oxygen. Getting the body moving triggers all kinds of responses within the body and mind. Some of the greatest ideas individuals have had in their lives came to them while exercising. 
  

©2013 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Most of us take for granted, the language we use with ourselves. Language not only moves us consciously, it also influences us on the unconscious level.

In the clip, Simon Sinek demonstrates the differences between nouns, verbs (& verb phrases) and the dynamic impact they have on our behavior, for example when creating goals or satisfying a personal value.

Note:.... PAY ATTENTION to your internal sensations – notice the differences.

What Cicero can Teach us about Persuasion and Public Speaking
                                                                                          by Owen Fitzpatrick

Public speaking is an art form that many would love to master. Whether you need to give a best man’s speech at your brother’s wedding or you must present an idea at the monthly network meeting, public speaking is a skill many people seek. At present, since I’m busy just having launched the upcoming Charisma Bootcamp, I thought I’d share some thoughts on the matter.

Cicero was a politician of ancient Rome who is widely known for his prowess at public speaking and rhetoric. Having studied some of the greatest speakers from Greece at the time, Cicero became a powerful figure largely through his ability to inspire and move his audience. So, what are some of the keys we can learn from Cicero and his skills of oratory?

Cicero explained that there were five elements important to consider when creating a speech and making an argument. They are:

1) Invention
2) Arrangement
3) Style
4) Memory
5) Delivery

Let’s go through each one and explore how we can use this system.

Invention:

This is exactly what it sounds like. The first key is to ask yourself the question what is the goal of your speech? When you create anything, that is a good question to ask. Once you identify what you want, the next step is to list out all the different ideas or concepts that might help you make this happen. It is a good idea to figure out what is the message you want to deliver to the audience.

Arrangement:

This is how you structure your speech. This is broken up into Introduction, Main Body and Conclusion. Your Introduction should introduce your message, establish your credibility and connect with the audience. It should also capture their attention from the outset. You main body should share fact, evidence, stories, examples using both logic and emotion to influence your audience. You should acknowledge any arguments which counteract your one and dismiss them using logic and reason. The conclusion should then drill home your message and leave them with a good feeling connected to it.

Style:

This is how you write or prepare your speech. The words you use must fulfill the following criteria. They must be simply put, clear, vivid, fit with the expectations of and in the same language as the audience and lastly, the words must sound good out loud. When you read out what you have written you will get a good sense of what sounds good and what doesn’t.

Memory:

This reflects how you manage to remember the key concepts. It is a good idea to practice creating hooks that you attach each idea to. This means try to fit your speech into a story or connect the main concepts to a mind map or picture. This allows you to use a device to immediately remind you of what the next part of the speech is. Often powerpoint or keynote can suffice here.

Delivery:

This is how you actually deliver the speech. Your facial expressions, eye contact and use of your voice are key factors in presenting your speech powerfully. When you tell a story of something that made you cringe, cringe when you talk about it. During your speech keep making eye contact with the audience and stay a few seconds on each of them. Use variety in your tone of voice and pace of speech. Make sure that when you make an important point you slow down and emphasize the point.

So, let’s take the example of making a best man speech.

Invention:

• What are the main goals of the speech?
  
• Who do you have to thank?
  
• Who do you have to complement?
  
• What do you want the audience to know and feel?
  
• How do you want to present your relationship with the groom?
  
• How do you want the groom to feel?
  
• What are the best stories you have of your time spent with the groom?
  

Arrangement:

• What joke or funny story can you start with?
  
• How do you want to introduce yourself?
  
• How can you best connect with the audience? What will they relate to?
  
• Where will you do the ‘thank you’ part of the speech?
  
• Which stories will you tell? (usually picking 2 or 3 is perfect)
  
• What order will you tell the stories in?
  
• How will you finish the speech? (sentimental or funny)
  

Style:

• Is the vast majority of your speech something that everyone can relate to?
  
• What do you need to explain in order for everyone to understand the stories?
  
• When you choose the stories to tell, how can you make them more vivid?
  
• When you read the speech aloud, does it sound good?
  
• How can you make it sound better?
  

Memory:

• Use cue cards if you need to with the main keys of the speech written as words to remind you.
  
• How can you link the stories together so that each one reminds you of the next?
  
• How can you remind yourself of all the different people to thank?
  

Delivery:

• How can you tell the stories in the best possible way?
  
• What accents can you do or impersonate to really make the stories more vivid?
  
• How can you include the crowd on any of the jokes?
  
• How can you use variety in your tone of voice to make it more entertaining?
  

Owen Fitzpatrick is an inspiring, engaging and entertaining speaker  NLP Master Trainer, specialized in Charisma, co-author of 'Conversations with Dr. Richard Bandler' , co- author of ‘Choose Freedom’, an international bestseller. ‘Not Enough Hours’, a bestseller in the Irish Times Bookcharts and ‘NLP for Charisma’. Owen was the presenter and expert of the primetime show ‘Not Enough Hours’. He  is co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP along with Brian Colbert. Founder of the Online Charisma Training Academy", and author of the soon to published book "The Charismatic Edge," as a trainer Owen is one of the most well respected authorities in the area of NLP:  www.owenfitzpatrick.com

Anne Marie worked hard to finally secure her coveted, hi-profile dream job, one which had glamour, power, and prestige attached to it. The job gave Anne Marie the ability to influence the direction of politics and policies in the USA and around the world. It also kept her at the office until the wee hours of the morning - and away from home for extended periods as well. This dream job did have its perks though: Trips to exotic countries, attending exclusive engagements and ritzy events, mingling and dining with titans of industries and influential heads of state.

Ann Marie thought she had it all. But in less than two years she called it quits, giving up the position she fought to get, saying it wasn’t what she thought it would be. Why? The demands of the job weren’t fulfilling a personal need, a value important to her – family. She had a husband and two teenage boys who she wanted to spend more time with.

To understand one of the reasons people do the things they do we need to look at “Values.” Values are subjective; they vary from person to person and are contextual.  This means that what’s important you, what you are valuing in a career, for example, will be different from what’s important to you when it comes to owning pair of shoes. In short, a person’s behavior oftentimes is satisfying the values they consider dear to them in a particular context. The good thing is that values aren't set in stone; like human beings, they can change over time. If we work from this premise, then in order to learn what someone’s values are in a given scenario, all we need to do is ask: – What’s important to you in X? And Listen! (x = specific context: For example, family, friends, career, car, clothes, vacation, etc.

Ann Marie’s situation, of achieving a goal and then abandoning it, isn’t rare. As observers we are sometimes stunned by the actions of certain individuals, people who are in the public eye, or within our own private social circles. From our point-of-view we think what they did was bizarre, prompting us to say something like, “Why did they give it all up? They had it all. “I” would have never done what they did. I don’t get it, etc.” To the outsider, upon first glance, Ann Marie’s decision to quit seems strange. But asking the question above, in order to unearth what her values are in the context of a career, would show that by leaving the dream job, no matter how attractive it was, Ann Marie was adhering to her values. Spending time with her family is important to her. The rigors of the job prevented this from happening. So she did the next best thing…

Values give rise to behavior. So before we go condemning someone for an action they took that you clearly wouldn’t have if you were in their shoes, so to speak, dig a little deeper and find out that person’s values are in that given context and were they (values) being satisfied.

There are times that humans do have to endure the gauntlet to discover what’s important to them. But we can save ourselves time and eliminate, if not, reduce disappointment in advance when we:

 1= Ask ourselves the same question posed above (What’s important to you in X?) and - pay attention - to the answers and emotions that arise.

2= Write down the answers you get.

3= Then find out if the desired goal or behavior you seek will fulfill these values.



©2013 John Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com