Adapted from Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
 
We started our interviews with senior leaders with one question: What, if anything, about the way people are leading today needs to change in order for leaders to be successful in a complex, rapidly changing environment where we’re faced with seemingly intractable challenges and an insatiable demand for innovation?
 
There was one answer across the interviews: We need braver leaders and more courageous cultures.
 
To better understand, we followed up by asking, Why courage? and What’s getting in the way of building more daring cultures? Of the ten behaviors and cultural issues that leaders identified as barriers to courage, there was one issue that leaders ranked as the greatest concern: Avoiding tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback.
 
Some leaders attributed this to a lack of courage, others to a lack of skills, and, shockingly, more than half talked about a cultural norm of “nice and polite” that’s leveraged as an excuse to avoid tough conversations.
 
Whatever the reason, there was saturation across the data that the consequences of avoiding tough conversations or tapping out of a difficult rumble as soon as it gets uncomfortable include:
 
1. Diminishing trust and engagement;
 
2. Increases in problematic behavior, including passive-aggressive behavior, talking behind people’s backs, pervasive backchannel communication (or “the meeting after the meeting”), gossip, and the “dirty yes” (when I say yes to your face and then go behind your back); and
 
3. Decreasing performance due to a lack of clarity and shared purpose.
 
Over the past several years, my team and I have learned something about clarity and the importance of hard conversations that has changed everything from the way we talk to each other to the way we negotiate with external partners. It’s simple but transformative: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
 
I first heard this saying two decades ago in a 12-step meeting, but I was on slogan overload at the time and didn’t even think about it again until I saw the data about how most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair.
 
Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind.
 
Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind.
 
Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.
 
This lesson has so wildly transformed my life that we live by it at home. If Ellen is trying to figure out how to handle a college roommate issue or Charlie needs to talk to a friend about something . . . clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
 
When we have to show up for a hard conversation we call it “a rumble.” For us, this is more than just a weird West Side Story way to say, “Let’s have a real conversation, even if it’s tough.” It’s become a serious intention and a behavioral cue or reminder.
A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle back when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts, and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.
 
More than anything else, when someone says, “Let’s rumble,” it cues me to show up with an open heart and mind so we can serve the work and each other, not our egos. Armoring up and protecting our egos rarely leads to productive, kind, and respectful conversations.
 
-You can purchase a copy of Dare to Lead here.
-Learn more about our LinkedIn Global Read-along here.
-Take the free Daring Leadership Assessment and download free companion workbooks here.

​Teams of people tirelessly work behind the camera to breathe life into the TV shows we are addicted to each week. Or binge watch when the opportunity presents itself. Let's face it. If you own a laptop or TV then you have a favorite TV show. Perhaps several. (What’s one of mine? The Walking Dead). A skilled staff-writing unit makes up a part of this production team. Their job is to generate premises and break them into story beats. Then a member of this coveted staff writing team transforms all that information into a competent script ready to be filmed. Oftentimes he/she has less than a week to write the episode that hooks and hold us.
 
Most do an exceptional job. However, if a writer dares to complain to the show-runner that "writer's block" is preventing them from handling the job, the solution is simple: Writer is replaced or fired, and the task handed to the next writer in line. TV is a voracious animal. Consuming content is how it survives. It spares not the meek or whiny, whether in front of the camera, or behind it. It’s nothing personal. Just business.
 
But guess what? TV writers claiming to be in the throes of “writer’s block” rarely occur. The smart writers inoculate themselves against it; and if it (writer’s block) arises they have strategies to handle it. This then begs the question, “What are some of these strategies they utilize?”
 
Most important is the proper frame of mind. World-class writers possess the attitude, gained through experience, that their first draft is insufficient, and that their best is yet to come. This helps to keep their mind in top form. Flexibility, focus and confidence are other states of mind writers take advantage of when writing. These states allow surprises and discoveries, submerged within a writer's rich, deep, creative reservoir, to float to consciousness’s surface and reveal themselves.
 
Keen writers are also well aware that the act of writing is an output activity. This presupposes an input as well as a processing sequence exists before any official writing takes place. What subject matter is the writer writing about? What does he/she wish to accomplish with the piece? Etc. Having a direction in mind is part of the input and processing phase. It dictates what type of content the writer chooses to absorb, study, the information he/she gathers in order to explore, read, analyze etc. Law & Order: SVU, (their tagline: “ripped from the headlines!”) the longest running dramatic TV series to date – 20 years strong -, is a perfect example of gathering information – first – then working with it to produce a “work of art- that riveting episode.” Writers' get themselves into trouble when they violate this sequence.
 
The universe as it's constructed can give us a surprise, or two, once in a while. For a writer, those surprises are sometimes disguised as writer's block. When things seem to be going well, the writing is flowing, etc. writer's block can mysteriously creep into ones creative mind space, setting up residence, sometimes acting like a mind virus, weakening, if not crippling our progress. Things happen. It during these challenging times we are given the opportunity to learn and to grow.
 
Definitions vary as to what writer's block is. In a nutshell, it is a tense conflict between the writing task we wish to complete versus the excuses we tell and/or show ourselves why that can't happen. These excuses are just symptoms expressing itself in creative ways. For example, giving yourself so-called 'valid' reasons why your task must be put on hold; procrastinating, avoiding the writing assignment by ranking other activities as more important to do; allowing nasty internal dialogue or images to consume your focus that triggers a cascade of physiological responses, (sweaty palms, nervousness, etc). The examples are limitless...
 
So then what is writer's block from an NLP perspective? Hint...It's in the title. It's a nominalization, a fluid process that somehow has been transformed into a thing, immovable, stuck...a metaphorical "block" impeding progress. Looking from it from this angle then what needs to happen is to transform this static state back into a process, something moving. And that's where the fun and adventure begin.
 
Strategies to either eliminate, get through, above, below and/or around writer's block exist. Here are some more:-Get into a relaxed state and ask yourself, using a curious voice tone, "What is blocking me?" It's important to use the gerund "blockING!' It turns the noun back into a process verb. Also notice the present tense of the verb being used - IS.
 
Pay close attention to what emerges into consciousness via one or several of your modalities (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, gustatory). What you become aware of, revealed to you, is the issue, or issues begging to be taken care of so that you can return to the flow writing state.
 
A variation of the above is as follows: Get into a relaxed state and ask yourself, using a curious voice tone, "What 'was' blocking me?" Just as above, it's important to use the gerund "blockING! This time the past-tense "WAS" is being used. This variation presupposes that the issue is now in the past. Sometimes that might solve the problem. Oftentimes not, what this variation does do is to put space between you and the issue, giving you another point of view in which to address it. (As the expression goes...Give me some space to xyz...). Again, notice what surfaces in one or several of your modalities.
 
Writing is a whole-brain process, meaning the creative as well as the analytical part need to work together...in the proper sequence. Suppress the need edit your work when completing your first draft. Just write! Errors and all! Put words on the page! When you enter the editing phase, that's when the critical mind is needed. Not before. You need something to work with...
 
Another advantage of putting words on the page - first - is that you give yourself the opportunity to unpack and reveal the deeper meanings hidden within the words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, etc. Take for example a simple sentence; "I watched TV last night!":...:

What kind of TV is it? How big/small? Flat-screen, or a box TV? Color or black & white?
Where were you last night?
What was the temperature like?
Were you alone?
Define "watched?"
Etc...

TV sit-com writer, Ellen Sandler, once said, "Writing is discovery on the page!" This requires that you are in-the - moment, the here and now. You need to put something on the page for this to occur. If writing begins by information input then - reading - is a great habit to get into. Books, (blog, e-book, etc.), aren't the only sources of information. There is also the environment in which you live, the people whom you interact with, places you visit, activities you partake in, the moments you experience, and so much more. There's also the world - within - you that you can read. As the NLP tenet states, "We have all the resource to affect change". Get to know who you are, your strengths, weakness, hopes dreams, pleasures, fears, angst, memories, desires etc. It's about utilizing opportunities to spur creativity and also to get ahead of writer's block.
 
So - "What did you think had stopped you from moving forward, or casting aside, what you had thought was writers block?" 


©2018 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

​DO YOU HAVE something you want to propose?
 
Having a valid case isn’t enough. To get a yes, you must first summon the courage to ask for what you want, need or deserve, and then present your ideas with timing, sensitivity and skill so your listener is motivated to give you the go ahead.
 
Shelley, an athletic friend who works as a law clerk in a Washington D.C. law firm, spent every noon hour jogging on the paths bordering the Smithsonian. She loved getting outside for the exercise, but didn’t enjoy having to change back into her professional clothes without the benefit of a shower. She approached the partners and proposed that a women’s locker room be installed, similar to the one provided for male employees. They turned her down flat, citing the expense, lack of space, and so on. Shelley called me and said, “Help?!”
 
THE FIRST THING I did was compliment her on not relinquishing her dream. Then, I recommended she use these Five Principles of Persuasion to make it come true.
 
1. Walk in with positive expectations. Have you ever approached someone with a suggestion while inside you were thinking, “This is a waste of time. They’ll never approve this.” If you don’t believe your idea stands a chance, how can they? Talk yourself into a state of optimism (“I know this is worthwhile”) so you can go in with the courage of your convictions. As Winston Churchill said, “Before convincing others, we ourselves must be convinced.”
 
2. Anticipate and voice their objections. Determine why they might turn you down, and then state their arguments first. If you don't preface your points with their objections, they won’t even be listening to you; they’ll be waiting for their turn to talk so they can tell you why your recommendation won’t work. If you predict they’ll protest with, “We don’t have the money for this in our budget,” then guess what the first words out of your mouth better be? “You may be thinking we don’t have the funds available, and if I can have your attention for the next ten minutes, I can show how this will save us this amount of money in the first three weeks of operation.”
 
3. Number and document each point. The easiest and quickest way to lend legitimacy to points is to number them. Enumerating evidence makes material sound like facts rather than opinion so it carries more weight. Furthermore, listeners can understand and remember what’s being said more easily because of the clear structure. As a professional speaker for more than 20 years, I’ve learned the most powerful way to get a message across is to follow this pattern: make a point, give an example; make a point, give an example. Audiences relate to and remember examples, which give real-life “proof” of the benefits of what you’re proposing.
 
4. Meet their needs and speak their language. Avoid using the word I, as in “I think a locker room will be welcomed by our employees.” People won’t do things for your reasons; they’ll do them for their own. Ask yourself what’s most important to the person you’re trying to persuade. Money, safety, reputation, status, power? Figure out how your proposal will benefit him or her and then address those advantages.
5. Motivate them to “try on” your ideas. Ralph Waldo Emerson realized, “To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching.” The same is true of persuasion. If you pressure people with logic and try to point out the wisdom of your arguments, they may turn you down simply because they don’t like reasoning forced down their throats. The goal is to Socratically engage them with questions and vivid stories so they get out of the passive, resistive mode and see what you’re saying. As soon as they picture what’s being proposed and mentally answer your questions, they stop crossing their mental arms and start imagining your idea as if it were a done deal.
 
Now, as Paul Harvey would say . . . “for the rest of the story.”
 
Shelley succeeded in getting the lockers approved the second time around because she did her homework. She contacted a national fitness association and obtained data regarding the financial advantage of encouraging employees to exercise during their lunch hour. She located other corporations who were glad to talk about the health and workmen’s compensation benefits they’d reaped from installing changing/shower facilities for all staff members. Shelley neutralized the partners’ objections about lack of space by demonstrating the advantage of converting a little-used conference room.
 
When Shelley called to share her good news, she added a variation of Yogi Berra’s often-quoted line with this quip, “Looks like it’s not over ‘til the FIT lady sings.”
 
BRAVO! Next time you want something, invest the time to follow these Five Principles of Persuasion, and you can increase the likelihood of getting a green light to your proposal or project.
 

POP pitch expert and influential speaker, Sam Horn is president of Sam Horn Consulting-Keynotes-Creative (since 1981) Author of "Tongue Fu!" "POP" "ConZentrate," "What's Holding You Back?" "Take The Bully By The Horns," and "Tongue Fu At School!." Sam also is a corporate keynote speaker and presenter at major conferences on how individuals and organizations can communicate more cooperatively. She is also a 12-time Emcee of world-renowned Maui Writers Conference, where she works with authors to get their books out of their heads and into readers' hands.
 
Visit Sam Horn’s site http://www.SamHorn.com to learn more about what she dynamically does.
California office: 805-528-4351 Virginia office: 703-456-0870

© Copyright - Sam Horn 2018 - All rights reserved!

"
​Most people believe writing rests on two branches - creative writing and formal writing (business, academic). And there are those that think writers whom they admire were born with their so-called "gift." While it might seem that some do possess such a thing, writing is a craft; and like any craft it requires work. Talent alone is insufficient. In fact one does not need "talent" to write.
 
Another branch of writing exists, called Expressive writing (EW). Pioneered by social psychologist James Pennebaker, EW's goal's purpose is to free the mind of tensions and repressed emotions thus causing the individual to operate at their optimal best. Rigorous studies have been done on EW proving that it's powerful as it's helped students to increase their academic performance, organizations to effectively perform, EW has been used to enhance relationships, overcome personal trauma, increase memory, decrease life's stresses, clarifying personal goals so as to have a well-balanced and productive life.
 
​
Below are links to learn more about Expressive Writing.

James Pennebaker BBC Interview

How to do Expressive Writing

James Pennebaker's The Secret Life of Pronouns
 
Dr. Jordan Peterson
Self Authoring
 
As I previously mentioned: You do not need "talent" to write.


©2018 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Almost two decades had passed since I last saw Leroy. So when we finally met to catch up no topic was off limits. We spoke about all kinds of things. Our conversation eventually steered itself towards the subject of perception and how it informs our beliefs and actions. I told Leroy about an experience a mutual friend of ours, Norman, had. 

Norman lost the charging cable belonging to his so - called smart phone’s external power-pack. (Actually, carelessness on his part caused him to lose it; but that is a totally different story). The standard phone cable wasn't compatible. Norman could have easily taken off the external power-pack and relied solely on the built in battery. But as most, if not, everyone knows, so-called “smart phones” suck power. And the way Norman used his device, he definitely needed additional power.

Norman searched the website of the power-pack's manufacturer, with the hope of finding a replacement cable that he could purchase. He found it; but it wasn’t cheap. Price, however, wasn’t a concern. The time it took to receive the accessory, if purchased directly from the manufacturer’s website, was of concern. For it would take up to several days. Norman needed*a cord, and he wanted* it fast. Relieving his inconvenience was priority. What to do? 

It was a bold move, but Norman went back to the store where he originally purchased the phone and power-pack, thinking the accessory just might be available. That’s where things got interesting, to say the least.

“Contact the power-pack’s manufacturer. They’ll send you a replacement - at ‘no charge,’” the sales rep told Norman. This rep is absolutely wrong, Norman thought. He was sure of this. I asked Norman what made him think the sales rep's statement was incorrect. “You break you pay,” Norman told me. What Norman really meant was that no company is going to give away something when the customer is at fault for a product’s loss or damage. Norman also saw the replacement cable being advertised for sale (not free) on the manufacturer’s website. This further fortified his belief. So he was ready to pay. Every attempt to correct what the sales rep said only created increased friction between them. Each took a firm position, standing by what they said – and rightfully believed.

But somebody had to “blink,” so to speak, sooner or later. Norman did. Why? It was useless holding this stalemate. Besides, the salesperson’s conviction intrigued Norman. But most of all Norman wanted to prove the salesperson wrong. So he went to a nearby coffee shop and placed a call to the power-pack manufacturer’s customer service department.

Surprise…the salesperson was right! “How?” Norman thought. Why advertise something for sale when a call can get you the same product – at no charge?... Questions bombarded Norman’s mind. But he never bothered finding the answers. Getting a replacement charge cord was more important. But time was the only trade-off. That was fine though. Obtaining the cord by any means was important. 

Here’s the interesting thing: Leroy and I met again several days later and he tells me about his recent coffee and muffin experience:... Getting a cup of coffee and a whole-wheat muffin from his favorite coffee cart was Leroy’s morning routine while heading to work.

One morning, while standing in line, waiting his turn to be served, Leroy noticed that the coffee-cart’s pastry showcase was almost empty. He didn't see his favorite pastry on display either. Everything must already have been sold before he arrived, Leroy thought, which was a surprise to him. For this had never happened before. But there’s a first time for everything he thought. So Leroy just ordered coffee and went on his way. 

Leroy then said the story I told him about Norman’s charge cord experience flashed into his mind, causing him to stop, turn around and ask the coffee cart's server if he had any whole-wheat muffins. Yes! The coffee cart's server had them. But a sudden rush of customers demanding coffee delayed him from re-stocking the display case before Leroy arrived.

These are two different stories and experiences; yet, a theme connects them. Norman, accepting responsibility for losing his charge cord, and seeing it advertised for a price meant he was expected to pay for the replacement cord. Makes sense, right? Leroy, not seeing the whole-wheat muffin in the coffee cart's showcase meant that none was available. Makes sense, right? 

The point is what we perceive to be reality sometimes isn't. We can become so rigid that no other points of views can enter our mind when we think we are certain about something, and we think have supporting evidence. This rigidity can prove useful sometimes; at other times we can miss opportunities, because this focus “blinds” us from prospects existing within our periphery. Knowing that options are available give us the power to choose the best or appropriate one(s). It’s worth it then to pay attention to ourselves and notice when we are so “convinced” of something, and are unwilling to yield to other perspectives. It’s worth it then to “loosen” rigidity, allowing another point of view to enter. Just to see what happens.

Quoting Dr. Richard Bandler, “Are you sure enough to be unsure!”

*--“Needs” and “Wants” are two different modalities. Say these sentences to yourself. PAY ATTENTION to your internal experience: 
1=“I need a car” 
2= “I want a car”.

 

©2015 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

You are correct if you say we communicate using words- partially though! We also employ voice tone, gestures and body language, emotional state, clothing, the physical location (aka time/place setting) we occupy, and more; this is, in addition to the words we use. Even the lack of communicating is a form of communication. In short, we are always transmitting messages. We just cannot– not – communicate!

This non-stop sending of messages, intentionally, or not, does several things: One, it makes is highly likely that mis-communication will occur. Those among us who've lived a life have experienced the aforementioned, whether it’s you that misinterpreted the sender’s transmission, or the other way around. Two, it calls out a response from the receiver, somewhat like a stimulus response loop. For example, I say “good morning” to you and you respond in turn. Or with the intent of initiating a handshake, I extend my hand, and you do the same (providing you are polite).

Skilled negotiators and communicators understand the role their goals and intent play when crafting and delivering precise messages. They’re also keenly aware of the important role the receiver’s subjective experience of reality plays in how the message is received and interpreted.

Take note, because it’s on the level of subjectivity where mis-communication oftentimes occurs, hence the axiom: “The meaning of the communication is the response you get!”

Case in point: (names changed to protect the not-so-innocent) “Host and Wife” were having a private dinner for “Couple M & W”, new-found friends of theirs. In some cultures, it’s customary to take your shoes off upon entering a home. This is the practise Host and Wife observed as children, and still today as adults.

When Couple M & W arrived they had no idea about Host and Wife’s cultural protocol. So in they came, shoes and all. On top of this, Couple M & W graciously brought with them, because it was their customary practice to do so, to demonstrate politeness and grace, a gift, theirs was a cooked meal, which happened to be meat, for Host and Wife. What Couple M & W also didn't know was that Host and Wife were strict vegetarians.

From Host and Wife’s point of view they were being insulted – from the failure of their guests to remove their shoes, and that meat entered their home.

Couple and Wife realizing the ice-cold atmosphere getting even colder by the moment sincerely and whole-heartedly apologized and made the necessary adjustments. They explained that it was not their intent to offend.

Who’s right versus who’s wrong, in an interaction, sparked by a misunderstanding, is irrelevant, Because from their point of view, and from the intent of all parties involved, all are right!

This subjective world is rich and vast. As such you can't be error proof when sending messages; but you can reduce the likelihood. If  a perceived misunderstanding arises, apologize, error correct, explain your intent and find common ground so you and the other person can move forward.

“Treat people the way you want to be treated!” is not only dumb, but a false adage that's gone unchallenged. It's akin to saying "fight fire with fire," when water quenches fire. Like a virus, the former (and latter) has infected various communication models.... “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” Thinking from this view point allows one to behave differently, whether you're the message's sender or receiver. Saying it another way...whether you are the sender or receiver, get to know the other's worldview. You will learn more about each other. And you will literally be discovering how "each other prefers to be served," so to speak!


©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

As you are listening to celebrated author Chimananda Ngoze Adiche’s TED Talk, keep the following in mind: –
“The 'Power' of a single Story” and the impact is has on point of view."

The stories we are exposed to, and the ones we tell ourselves, help to frame and shape our self-perception, and how we experience the world we live in.

Most of us take for granted, the language we use with ourselves. Language not only moves us consciously, it also influences us on the unconscious level.

In the clip, Simon Sinek demonstrates the differences between nouns, verbs (& verb phrases) and the dynamic impact they have on our behavior, for example when creating goals or satisfying a personal value.

Note:.... PAY ATTENTION to your internal sensations – notice the differences.

What Cicero can Teach us about Persuasion and Public Speaking
                                                                                          by Owen Fitzpatrick

Public speaking is an art form that many would love to master. Whether you need to give a best man’s speech at your brother’s wedding or you must present an idea at the monthly network meeting, public speaking is a skill many people seek. At present, since I’m busy just having launched the upcoming Charisma Bootcamp, I thought I’d share some thoughts on the matter.

Cicero was a politician of ancient Rome who is widely known for his prowess at public speaking and rhetoric. Having studied some of the greatest speakers from Greece at the time, Cicero became a powerful figure largely through his ability to inspire and move his audience. So, what are some of the keys we can learn from Cicero and his skills of oratory?

Cicero explained that there were five elements important to consider when creating a speech and making an argument. They are:

1) Invention
2) Arrangement
3) Style
4) Memory
5) Delivery

Let’s go through each one and explore how we can use this system.

Invention:

This is exactly what it sounds like. The first key is to ask yourself the question what is the goal of your speech? When you create anything, that is a good question to ask. Once you identify what you want, the next step is to list out all the different ideas or concepts that might help you make this happen. It is a good idea to figure out what is the message you want to deliver to the audience.

Arrangement:

This is how you structure your speech. This is broken up into Introduction, Main Body and Conclusion. Your Introduction should introduce your message, establish your credibility and connect with the audience. It should also capture their attention from the outset. You main body should share fact, evidence, stories, examples using both logic and emotion to influence your audience. You should acknowledge any arguments which counteract your one and dismiss them using logic and reason. The conclusion should then drill home your message and leave them with a good feeling connected to it.

Style:

This is how you write or prepare your speech. The words you use must fulfill the following criteria. They must be simply put, clear, vivid, fit with the expectations of and in the same language as the audience and lastly, the words must sound good out loud. When you read out what you have written you will get a good sense of what sounds good and what doesn’t.

Memory:

This reflects how you manage to remember the key concepts. It is a good idea to practice creating hooks that you attach each idea to. This means try to fit your speech into a story or connect the main concepts to a mind map or picture. This allows you to use a device to immediately remind you of what the next part of the speech is. Often powerpoint or keynote can suffice here.

Delivery:

This is how you actually deliver the speech. Your facial expressions, eye contact and use of your voice are key factors in presenting your speech powerfully. When you tell a story of something that made you cringe, cringe when you talk about it. During your speech keep making eye contact with the audience and stay a few seconds on each of them. Use variety in your tone of voice and pace of speech. Make sure that when you make an important point you slow down and emphasize the point.

So, let’s take the example of making a best man speech.

Invention:

• What are the main goals of the speech?
  
• Who do you have to thank?
  
• Who do you have to complement?
  
• What do you want the audience to know and feel?
  
• How do you want to present your relationship with the groom?
  
• How do you want the groom to feel?
  
• What are the best stories you have of your time spent with the groom?
  

Arrangement:

• What joke or funny story can you start with?
  
• How do you want to introduce yourself?
  
• How can you best connect with the audience? What will they relate to?
  
• Where will you do the ‘thank you’ part of the speech?
  
• Which stories will you tell? (usually picking 2 or 3 is perfect)
  
• What order will you tell the stories in?
  
• How will you finish the speech? (sentimental or funny)
  

Style:

• Is the vast majority of your speech something that everyone can relate to?
  
• What do you need to explain in order for everyone to understand the stories?
  
• When you choose the stories to tell, how can you make them more vivid?
  
• When you read the speech aloud, does it sound good?
  
• How can you make it sound better?
  

Memory:

• Use cue cards if you need to with the main keys of the speech written as words to remind you.
  
• How can you link the stories together so that each one reminds you of the next?
  
• How can you remind yourself of all the different people to thank?
  

Delivery:

• How can you tell the stories in the best possible way?
  
• What accents can you do or impersonate to really make the stories more vivid?
  
• How can you include the crowd on any of the jokes?
  
• How can you use variety in your tone of voice to make it more entertaining?
  

Owen Fitzpatrick is an inspiring, engaging and entertaining speaker  NLP Master Trainer, specialized in Charisma, co-author of 'Conversations with Dr. Richard Bandler' , co- author of ‘Choose Freedom’, an international bestseller. ‘Not Enough Hours’, a bestseller in the Irish Times Bookcharts and ‘NLP for Charisma’. Owen was the presenter and expert of the primetime show ‘Not Enough Hours’. He  is co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP along with Brian Colbert. Founder of the Online Charisma Training Academy", and author of the soon to published book "The Charismatic Edge," as a trainer Owen is one of the most well respected authorities in the area of NLP:  www.owenfitzpatrick.com

WHY do you do what you do?  How do leaders inspire themselves, people and the world into action? You can do it, too. Watch Simon Sinek’s  TEDx presentation.