We use the concept of "time" to order our experiences and actives. However, when it comes to using time to enhance productivity some seem to have trouble. "'If only there were more hours in the day!...'; 'I don't have 'enough time!...' ; 'I can't afford to waste time!...'" etc. are some of the phrases we hear when it comes to the relationship with 'time' and persons wanting to be more productive. We even use monetary metaphors to express time's value (ex. have enough, waste, time is money, etc.) So if time is the currency of today -or one of the currencies - then we have to "invest in" and spend it wisely!" That being said, humans have devised all sorts of means and methods to either: "'control,' 'keep,' or 'measure,'" - time so it works for them. Some of these methods have proven to be useful, and have endured throughout "time", so to speak.
 
One such strategy for "getting the most value out of 'time'", manipulating it to your advantage, is the Urgent Importance Matrix (UIM). The UIM goes by many names, for example, the Eisenhower Matrix/Principle, because some claim the 36th.US President, Dwight Eisenhower, invented this method for being productive with one's time in order to get the most out of their day, week, month, or whatever the time-schedule one works with. A 1954 Eisenhower speech also credits him for this quote. But he (Eisenhower) attributed it to an unnamed university professor: “I have two kinds of problems, the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.” So who is the source of the UIM? At this point, that's  not important.
 
What's 'important', and of value, are the results conducted on this popular productivity model. How to decide what's Urgent and Important versus a mix, which includes their opposite. The Results? "Our attention is drawn to time-sensitive activities over ones that are less urgent... even when the 'less urgent activity' offers greater rewards". Researchers call this the Mere Urgency effect! In other words, when you have a deadline, and no option for choice, that it must be handled, you get the task done, and do what you will with the other tasks such has setting them aside, or saying NO to doing them.
 
When it comes to time and productivity, it's not about wishing for more; it's about utilizing what already exists, appreciating and making each moment count - quality time. If you're always "busy", yet feel like you are just wasting your time, or have long-term goals, but can't give them neither the necessary time nor energy, or even have trouble delegating and/or saying NO to irrelevant tasks, then the UIM is perfect for you. It allows you to expand or contract time - well, the perception of it - to increase your productivity.
 
So how does the UIM work?
 
The UIM is easy to use. The four boxes are as follows:
 
Box 1 Not Urgent BUT Important (-, +)
Delegate
 
Box 2 Urgent AND Important (+, +)
(Do it immediately)
 
Box 3 Not Urgent AND Not Important (-, -)
(Say NO to task, or eliminate it)
 
Box 4 Urgent BUT Not Important (+, -)
(Decide when you will do it; commit it to your timeline to do at a later time)
 
Simply ask yourself the following questions and insert your tasks into their corresponding boxes and follow its instruction.
 
Box 2- "What's Urgent AND Important AND MUST get done?" Note the linguistic structure - the modal operators of necessity (Need to, Have to, Must etc.) and the linkage words "AND", "BUT" - at work here. It's important that they are used. Modal operators of necessity used imply a lack of choice; they motivate you to take care of the task. The linkage words used in the quadrant boxes and within the sentences balance and highlight the task's urgency, or lack thereof.
 
Box 1 "What's Not Urgent BUT Important?"
Box 3 "What's Not Urgent AND Not Important?"
Box 4 "What's Urgent BUT Not Important?"
 
We tend to generalize that "all" tasks are urgent and important; and that might be true. Yet, this is how we become "overwhelmed", concluding that everything is equal. Like all generalizations, these beliefs need to be challenged, tested for their validity. If unstable they'll fall into the appropriate category within the matrix. This is why the structure of the questions posed above, and how the linkage words are dispersed within each quadrant are vital.
 
Placing each task in their appropriate box has the added benefit of putting you more in control, extending time, making it (time) flexible to the point of giving you choices. So for those who say "I can't find the 'time'"(as if time got lost), the UIM will help you to find it - and an abundance of it, time, that is.
 
So..... "'If only there were more hours in the day!...'; 'I don't have 'enough time!...'", etc.[says who?]
 

Video synopsis

Click image (above) or this LINK to Purchase

In this award-winning streaming docu-series, From Fear to Freedom, NLP master-trainer and world renowned phobia specialist, Kalliope Barlis, will take you on a journey into the mind and beliefs. If you thought  you were cursed with the burden of living with lifelong phobias...think again. Oh, Yes! Kalliope Barlis teach you practical strategies as well.

From Fear to Freedom is "must-see TV!"

To purchase Kalliope Barlis's best-seller:  "Phobia Relief: From Fear to Freedom!"

"Change the way you think, changes the way you feel and changes what you do!"

Biohacker & NLP Trainer, Melina Vicario interviews Richard Bandler about his new book Thinking on Purpose: A 15-Day Plan to a Smarter Life and the practical strategies within it that you can immediately put to use. 

"...'Let me tell you the secret. The secret is it's not the snake that scared you; it was the big giant picture jumping out at you'....the images and sounds you generate in your mind create the feelings.

​Change the way you think, you change the way you feel, thus you change what you do...!"

​Teams of people tirelessly work behind the camera to breathe life into the TV shows we are addicted to each week. Or binge watch when the opportunity presents itself. Let's face it. If you own a laptop or TV then you have a favorite TV show. Perhaps several. (What’s one of mine? The Walking Dead). A skilled staff-writing unit makes up a part of this production team. Their job is to generate premises and break them into story beats. Then a member of this coveted staff writing team transforms all that information into a competent script ready to be filmed. Oftentimes he/she has less than a week to write the episode that hooks and hold us.
 
Most do an exceptional job. However, if a writer dares to complain to the show-runner that "writer's block" is preventing them from handling the job, the solution is simple: Writer is replaced or fired, and the task handed to the next writer in line. TV is a voracious animal. Consuming content is how it survives. It spares not the meek or whiny, whether in front of the camera, or behind it. It’s nothing personal. Just business.
 
But guess what? TV writers claiming to be in the throes of “writer’s block” rarely occur. The smart writers inoculate themselves against it; and if it (writer’s block) arises they have strategies to handle it. This then begs the question, “What are some of these strategies they utilize?”
 
Most important is the proper frame of mind. World-class writers possess the attitude, gained through experience, that their first draft is insufficient, and that their best is yet to come. This helps to keep their mind in top form. Flexibility, focus and confidence are other states of mind writers take advantage of when writing. These states allow surprises and discoveries, submerged within a writer's rich, deep, creative reservoir, to float to consciousness’s surface and reveal themselves.
 
Keen writers are also well aware that the act of writing is an output activity. This presupposes an input as well as a processing sequence exists before any official writing takes place. What subject matter is the writer writing about? What does he/she wish to accomplish with the piece? Etc. Having a direction in mind is part of the input and processing phase. It dictates what type of content the writer chooses to absorb, study, the information he/she gathers in order to explore, read, analyze etc. Law & Order: SVU, (their tagline: “ripped from the headlines!”) the longest running dramatic TV series to date – 20 years strong -, is a perfect example of gathering information – first – then working with it to produce a “work of art- that riveting episode.” Writers' get themselves into trouble when they violate this sequence.
 
The universe as it's constructed can give us a surprise, or two, once in a while. For a writer, those surprises are sometimes disguised as writer's block. When things seem to be going well, the writing is flowing, etc. writer's block can mysteriously creep into ones creative mind space, setting up residence, sometimes acting like a mind virus, weakening, if not crippling our progress. Things happen. It during these challenging times we are given the opportunity to learn and to grow.
 
Definitions vary as to what writer's block is. In a nutshell, it is a tense conflict between the writing task we wish to complete versus the excuses we tell and/or show ourselves why that can't happen. These excuses are just symptoms expressing itself in creative ways. For example, giving yourself so-called 'valid' reasons why your task must be put on hold; procrastinating, avoiding the writing assignment by ranking other activities as more important to do; allowing nasty internal dialogue or images to consume your focus that triggers a cascade of physiological responses, (sweaty palms, nervousness, etc). The examples are limitless...
 
So then what is writer's block from an NLP perspective? Hint...It's in the title. It's a nominalization, a fluid process that somehow has been transformed into a thing, immovable, stuck...a metaphorical "block" impeding progress. Looking from it from this angle then what needs to happen is to transform this static state back into a process, something moving. And that's where the fun and adventure begin.
 
Strategies to either eliminate, get through, above, below and/or around writer's block exist. Here are some more:-Get into a relaxed state and ask yourself, using a curious voice tone, "What is blocking me?" It's important to use the gerund "blockING!' It turns the noun back into a process verb. Also notice the present tense of the verb being used - IS.
 
Pay close attention to what emerges into consciousness via one or several of your modalities (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, gustatory). What you become aware of, revealed to you, is the issue, or issues begging to be taken care of so that you can return to the flow writing state.
 
A variation of the above is as follows: Get into a relaxed state and ask yourself, using a curious voice tone, "What 'was' blocking me?" Just as above, it's important to use the gerund "blockING! This time the past-tense "WAS" is being used. This variation presupposes that the issue is now in the past. Sometimes that might solve the problem. Oftentimes not, what this variation does do is to put space between you and the issue, giving you another point of view in which to address it. (As the expression goes...Give me some space to xyz...). Again, notice what surfaces in one or several of your modalities.
 
Writing is a whole-brain process, meaning the creative as well as the analytical part need to work together...in the proper sequence. Suppress the need edit your work when completing your first draft. Just write! Errors and all! Put words on the page! When you enter the editing phase, that's when the critical mind is needed. Not before. You need something to work with...
 
Another advantage of putting words on the page - first - is that you give yourself the opportunity to unpack and reveal the deeper meanings hidden within the words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, etc. Take for example a simple sentence; "I watched TV last night!":...:

What kind of TV is it? How big/small? Flat-screen, or a box TV? Color or black & white?
Where were you last night?
What was the temperature like?
Were you alone?
Define "watched?"
Etc...

TV sit-com writer, Ellen Sandler, once said, "Writing is discovery on the page!" This requires that you are in-the - moment, the here and now. You need to put something on the page for this to occur. If writing begins by information input then - reading - is a great habit to get into. Books, (blog, e-book, etc.), aren't the only sources of information. There is also the environment in which you live, the people whom you interact with, places you visit, activities you partake in, the moments you experience, and so much more. There's also the world - within - you that you can read. As the NLP tenet states, "We have all the resource to affect change". Get to know who you are, your strengths, weakness, hopes dreams, pleasures, fears, angst, memories, desires etc. It's about utilizing opportunities to spur creativity and also to get ahead of writer's block.
 
So - "What did you think had stopped you from moving forward, or casting aside, what you had thought was writers block?" 


©2018 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

There was a moment in sports when employing a coach was unimaginable. Times and attitudes have changed. Now refusing to do so is unimaginable. A coach in today’s world makes the difference between Good or Great, no matter if we talk about Health or Wealth.

What are the “symptoms” of a great business-coach? What can inform us if the money and time are worth investing in one? As the Business Coaching industry continues to expand, prospective clients will eventually need to pay more and more attention to:

1. Determining the must-have skills and competency of a great business-coach.
2. Determining the value that will be provided.

Therefore, what prospective clients ought to be asking is: “How do I know how to choose a great business coach?” It begins with learning how to detect competency and congruency, or lack thereof, within the person calling themselves a “business-coach.” Paying attention body language, for example, posture, gestures, speech rate, their use of verbal-language, and vocal intonations are an important start, for it can also lead to uncovering the potential business-coach’s knowledge, experience, integrity, intelligence, fairness, and much more.

A great business-coach plays to his/her strengths; metaphorically speaking, they “don’t promise the sea as a gift when they don't know how the river flows.” They will know how to differentiate the methods and techniques to be used, which is based on the client’s real-time feedback .They’ll also possess proven methodologies and tools for success, for example, the coveted skill of Packing questions and Unpacking responses.

Packing determines the difference between a smart question and a stupid one. It also causes the client to strategically focus. A thought-provoking question changes the brain’s chemistry, re arranging the neurological paths, breaking the self defense mechanisms of the Ego. The more time the client spends thinking, because of the question posed to them, the better the Question is. “How do you know?” is definitely the best question ever. “How do you know when to be angry during a meeting and be nice during the next one?” “How do you know when to start being mad and furious?” Change takes time, so does the answer. The more reluctant the client is, the stronger the evidence is that the question broke the wall of inner self defense.

Knowing what to notice and how to draw out what’s relevant from what’s irrelevant within the client’s communication are vital. This is unpacking. And a great coach is a master of this skill. In other words, metaphorically speaking, they possess the ability to see the tree in the forest during foggy weather, instead of trying to clear the fog!”

A great business coach oftentimes has a strong NLP background. This enables them to recognize conscious and unconscious responses. Unconscious reluctance is a self-defense mechanism, meaning that the person is trying to defend their existing patterns, beliefs, or inner ideas that stops them from being successful.

The last but not the least, the best business coaches not only will help you to establish new roots or strengthen the useful ones, they’ll teach you tools you can utilize for a lifetime, and strategies to enter and maintain positive states during and beyond their coaching sessions that will allow you to reach your goal – the one you’ve chosen to make real.


Laura Ion,
Author, Business Coach, NLP Trainer

Author, Business Coach, NLP Trainer, Laura Ion has a specialized instinct for inspiring and moving people so that they can perform beyond their best. She has over 8 years experience in Middle and Top Management positions in national and multinational companies, and more than 5 years experience in Training/Facilitating and Business Coaching. Laura is also the author of "Lead the Way by Persuasion", book that teaches you how to become a skilled persuader, and powerful leader and how to perceive “change” of any kind  as an opportunity for growing and development.
 
Visit Laura’s website: www.BuyYourBrain,com Purchase Laura’s bestseller, "Lead the Way by Persuasion", on Amazon

 

How many times have we seen this scenario in films: A character gathers his/her resources and single-mindedly chases a goal, claims it...only to discover the goal wasn't worth it, or it wasn't what they hoped it would be, etc. This is after they've spent extra-ordinary amounts of time, energy and resources striving for it. Sounds backwards, right? Well, movies aren't life; but they can imitate aspects of it, even teach us something about ourselves and nature.

People in the public eye who we think "have it all" surprise most of us when they self-destruct or abandon a coveted position or social role. What they've done compels most of us to naturally go in search of answers, starting with questions like, "Why? or How?" Or we make statements such as, "Look at all they had..." "...If I were them, I would never have done what they did!..." “They're stupid," etc.  We make these kinds of judgments and form our opinions because we are using our filters, points, of views, and values to see their world as opposed to seeing the world the way they do. If you have a heart, and consider yourself a part of the human race, then you, too, are vulnerable to such reversal of desire. Not just movie characters or public figures. If you are a self-reflecting person abandoning something you once chased isn't bad. Because you can and do learn something about yourself that you can use to improve the quality of your life ("Live Long and Prosper"...[in mind body and spirit] as Mr. Spock would say, R.I.P. Leonard Nimoy)

Having goals do make for healthy living; they help to add meaning and purpose to our life... But can any goal do the aforementioned? Which one specifically? Sure we can chase anything and say we are adding substance to our life. But are you sure that what you are seeking to grasp will give you and your life satisfaction? If so, great. If you don't know... then that's something to look into.  Goals exist to satisfy a "need"; a need that's been awakened, is excited and yearning to settle down. The clearer we are on what this need is, the better our chances are that we will choose the appropriate goal, with the added benefit that your resources will be utilized with precision. Take for example your standard action movie - Taken 1 - starring Liam Neeson. Antagonists have kidnapped the protagonist's daughter with the intent on selling her on the black market. The antagonists' actions have awakened a clearly defined need in the protagonist who then chooses the appropriate goal and will take the "necessary steps" to reach it so that his need - safety for his family - is satisfied.

Moving from the world of fiction into the real one, most of us know that billionaire Bill Gates left the company he founded to pursue philanthropic goals. What need could he be satisfying by taking this bold step? Each of us has needs that are personal. Being aware of them, as previously stated, will help us to choose the right goals that will satisfy them. If you are pursuing a goal the following questions will help you to become aware of your need. Also, pay attention to your experience and check to see if the pursuit of the goal will satisfy that particular need:

• What is this goal really about?
• What will reaching this goal do for me or give me?
• Why is this goal so important?
• Is the goal I'm' pursuing going to satisfy my need?

©2015 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Listen to both videos. They are short – (2 min. each), but contain a wealth of information you can easily put use towards your success. Listen, listen and listen again. Strategies for success aren't all that difficult. As you listen, pay attention to how Olympic Gold-medalist, Iwan Thomas, used language to become a winner. Notice that he only focused only on encouraging statements he said to himself and from others, dismissing anything else that was irrelevant. – Focus! Listen to what Dr. Richard Bandler says that's required for success... 
 “…so strong you have to feel it in every fibre of your soul!...”

Video 1: Richard Bandler's interview with Iwan Thomas and how he became a top athlete.

Video 2: Richard Bandler's interview with Iwan Thomas and how he became a top athlete.

Almost two decades had passed since I last saw Leroy. So when we finally met to catch up no topic was off limits. We spoke about all kinds of things. Our conversation eventually steered itself towards the subject of perception and how it informs our beliefs and actions. I told Leroy about an experience a mutual friend of ours, Norman, had. 

Norman lost the charging cable belonging to his so - called smart phone’s external power-pack. (Actually, carelessness on his part caused him to lose it; but that is a totally different story). The standard phone cable wasn't compatible. Norman could have easily taken off the external power-pack and relied solely on the built in battery. But as most, if not, everyone knows, so-called “smart phones” suck power. And the way Norman used his device, he definitely needed additional power.

Norman searched the website of the power-pack's manufacturer, with the hope of finding a replacement cable that he could purchase. He found it; but it wasn’t cheap. Price, however, wasn’t a concern. The time it took to receive the accessory, if purchased directly from the manufacturer’s website, was of concern. For it would take up to several days. Norman needed*a cord, and he wanted* it fast. Relieving his inconvenience was priority. What to do? 

It was a bold move, but Norman went back to the store where he originally purchased the phone and power-pack, thinking the accessory just might be available. That’s where things got interesting, to say the least.

“Contact the power-pack’s manufacturer. They’ll send you a replacement - at ‘no charge,’” the sales rep told Norman. This rep is absolutely wrong, Norman thought. He was sure of this. I asked Norman what made him think the sales rep's statement was incorrect. “You break you pay,” Norman told me. What Norman really meant was that no company is going to give away something when the customer is at fault for a product’s loss or damage. Norman also saw the replacement cable being advertised for sale (not free) on the manufacturer’s website. This further fortified his belief. So he was ready to pay. Every attempt to correct what the sales rep said only created increased friction between them. Each took a firm position, standing by what they said – and rightfully believed.

But somebody had to “blink,” so to speak, sooner or later. Norman did. Why? It was useless holding this stalemate. Besides, the salesperson’s conviction intrigued Norman. But most of all Norman wanted to prove the salesperson wrong. So he went to a nearby coffee shop and placed a call to the power-pack manufacturer’s customer service department.

Surprise…the salesperson was right! “How?” Norman thought. Why advertise something for sale when a call can get you the same product – at no charge?... Questions bombarded Norman’s mind. But he never bothered finding the answers. Getting a replacement charge cord was more important. But time was the only trade-off. That was fine though. Obtaining the cord by any means was important. 

Here’s the interesting thing: Leroy and I met again several days later and he tells me about his recent coffee and muffin experience:... Getting a cup of coffee and a whole-wheat muffin from his favorite coffee cart was Leroy’s morning routine while heading to work.

One morning, while standing in line, waiting his turn to be served, Leroy noticed that the coffee-cart’s pastry showcase was almost empty. He didn't see his favorite pastry on display either. Everything must already have been sold before he arrived, Leroy thought, which was a surprise to him. For this had never happened before. But there’s a first time for everything he thought. So Leroy just ordered coffee and went on his way. 

Leroy then said the story I told him about Norman’s charge cord experience flashed into his mind, causing him to stop, turn around and ask the coffee cart's server if he had any whole-wheat muffins. Yes! The coffee cart's server had them. But a sudden rush of customers demanding coffee delayed him from re-stocking the display case before Leroy arrived.

These are two different stories and experiences; yet, a theme connects them. Norman, accepting responsibility for losing his charge cord, and seeing it advertised for a price meant he was expected to pay for the replacement cord. Makes sense, right? Leroy, not seeing the whole-wheat muffin in the coffee cart's showcase meant that none was available. Makes sense, right? 

The point is what we perceive to be reality sometimes isn't. We can become so rigid that no other points of views can enter our mind when we think we are certain about something, and we think have supporting evidence. This rigidity can prove useful sometimes; at other times we can miss opportunities, because this focus “blinds” us from prospects existing within our periphery. Knowing that options are available give us the power to choose the best or appropriate one(s). It’s worth it then to pay attention to ourselves and notice when we are so “convinced” of something, and are unwilling to yield to other perspectives. It’s worth it then to “loosen” rigidity, allowing another point of view to enter. Just to see what happens.

Quoting Dr. Richard Bandler, “Are you sure enough to be unsure!”

*--“Needs” and “Wants” are two different modalities. Say these sentences to yourself. PAY ATTENTION to your internal experience: 
1=“I need a car” 
2= “I want a car”.

 

©2015 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Gestures are often overlooked; yet, they are powerful tools when used properly during communication. NLP founders, Bandler & Grinder, modeled world-renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir. They creatively applied her successful methods in a variety of communication contexts outside the therapeutic sphere. This helped to bring Virginia's work into the mainstream. 

Power is truly in your hands.

Maybe you've heard the adage “you can either be right, or you can be connected.” But what helps people connect? Values are a high-leverage way to create connection.

What are values? In short, values are what make life meaningful to you; they guide your decisions and actions; they are our internal compass of right and wrong. Examples of values are honesty, creativity, freedom, security, family, love, or service to others.

People usually fight because they have different values. For example if a couple is fighting about money, the surface conversation is about what to buy and what to save. When fighting about money, people usually stay on the surface, and decide that the other person is immature, or rigid. But if we go underneath the surface to what is most deeply meaningful to each of them, we’ll see their values. The spender may value spontaneity, fun, beauty, and freedom; while the saver may value security, efficiency, or leaving a legacy.

Values don’t inherently conflict. For example, there’s a way to have a life full of both fun AND efficiency. So if both people can develop compassion and understanding for each other’s values, they can create a solution that honors both of them.

5 Steps to Resolve Conflict Using Shared Values

1) Find values that are MORE IMPORTANT than the conflict. For example, you may value connection, intimacy, compassion, listening, being open minded, growth, or family MORE than being right, and that helps you listen to the other person’s point of view. So pick one of the above shared values that helps you step out of your point of view momentarily, and listen to the other person.

2) With an attitude of curiosity, take turns asking questions and listening to each person, to uncover what is most deeply meaningful to them about their position. One person shares for about 10-15 minutes, and then you switch.

For example, if the spender values spontaneity, you can ask them:

• What’s important to you about spontaneity?
  
• What does being spontaneous provide for you?
  
• What are your core beliefs or ethics behind your point of view?
  
• Is there a story behind this for you, or does this relate to your history in some way?
  
• Is there a fear that comes up for you, in not having this value honored?
  
• What other ways can you get this value met?
  
• What would be your ideal solution here?

3) When you are the listener, validate the other person’s point of view. You don’t have to agree with all of it, but tell the other person what makes sense about what they shared. For example, you might say, “I see how spontaneity makes life meaningful to you. When you’re being spontaneous, you light up, feel your creativity, and you can enjoy life. Otherwise you feel too boxed in, like you’re wearing clothes that are too tight. That makes sense to me.”

4) When the first person feels heard, switch, and ask the same questions to the other person, with curiosity and validation. The intention is for both people to feel compassion and connection to the values underneath their point of view. The creative solution comes out of the connection that both people feel when they are heard and understood.

5) Create a plan that honors both people’s values. A simple example in the money conflict is to create room in the budget for “pocket cash” that you can spend on whatever you want, while still saving something every month. This solution can only be created when people honor each other’s values.

I have used this strategy in my own life, as well as with many couples, to create movement on issues that have felt stuck for years!

Here's to a life of meaning and enjoyment, because you're honoring what matters to you most. 

I'd love to hear from you! When you try these steps, post in the comments about your experience.


Valerie Greene is an NLP practioner and a Conscious Living and Relationship Coach who has been coaching since 2005, as well as taught many workshops and retreats. She specializes in working with couples who are fighting or feel disconnected, to identify the patterns that are causing distress in their relationship, and help them create emotional connection, passion, and fulfillment. Valerie’s clients have breathed new life into spousal relations, crafted friendships from the ashes of bitter divorce, and attracted the right kinds of dating partners. You can learn more about Valerie, and download her free course "Transform Fighting Into Intimacy" at: www.CoachValerieGreene.com

You are correct if you say we communicate using words- partially though! We also employ voice tone, gestures and body language, emotional state, clothing, the physical location (aka time/place setting) we occupy, and more; this is, in addition to the words we use. Even the lack of communicating is a form of communication. In short, we are always transmitting messages. We just cannot– not – communicate!

This non-stop sending of messages, intentionally, or not, does several things: One, it makes is highly likely that mis-communication will occur. Those among us who've lived a life have experienced the aforementioned, whether it’s you that misinterpreted the sender’s transmission, or the other way around. Two, it calls out a response from the receiver, somewhat like a stimulus response loop. For example, I say “good morning” to you and you respond in turn. Or with the intent of initiating a handshake, I extend my hand, and you do the same (providing you are polite).

Skilled negotiators and communicators understand the role their goals and intent play when crafting and delivering precise messages. They’re also keenly aware of the important role the receiver’s subjective experience of reality plays in how the message is received and interpreted.

Take note, because it’s on the level of subjectivity where mis-communication oftentimes occurs, hence the axiom: “The meaning of the communication is the response you get!”

Case in point: (names changed to protect the not-so-innocent) “Host and Wife” were having a private dinner for “Couple M & W”, new-found friends of theirs. In some cultures, it’s customary to take your shoes off upon entering a home. This is the practise Host and Wife observed as children, and still today as adults.

When Couple M & W arrived they had no idea about Host and Wife’s cultural protocol. So in they came, shoes and all. On top of this, Couple M & W graciously brought with them, because it was their customary practice to do so, to demonstrate politeness and grace, a gift, theirs was a cooked meal, which happened to be meat, for Host and Wife. What Couple M & W also didn't know was that Host and Wife were strict vegetarians.

From Host and Wife’s point of view they were being insulted – from the failure of their guests to remove their shoes, and that meat entered their home.

Couple and Wife realizing the ice-cold atmosphere getting even colder by the moment sincerely and whole-heartedly apologized and made the necessary adjustments. They explained that it was not their intent to offend.

Who’s right versus who’s wrong, in an interaction, sparked by a misunderstanding, is irrelevant, Because from their point of view, and from the intent of all parties involved, all are right!

This subjective world is rich and vast. As such you can't be error proof when sending messages; but you can reduce the likelihood. If  a perceived misunderstanding arises, apologize, error correct, explain your intent and find common ground so you and the other person can move forward.

“Treat people the way you want to be treated!” is not only dumb, but a false adage that's gone unchallenged. It's akin to saying "fight fire with fire," when water quenches fire. Like a virus, the former (and latter) has infected various communication models.... “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” Thinking from this view point allows one to behave differently, whether you're the message's sender or receiver. Saying it another way...whether you are the sender or receiver, get to know the other's worldview. You will learn more about each other. And you will literally be discovering how "each other prefers to be served," so to speak!


©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

What are the eight traits successful people have in common? Watch (or listen). Be surprised how easy it is to adopt these traits in your lives.

Ethan Hunt’s mission (Tom Cruise- Mission Impossible 4), that he’s already accepted, is to pacify a diabolical master-mind bent on starting World War III is. To do this, Ethan needs access to the highly-secured server room nestled within the world’s tallest building, the Burj Kahlifa All “safe” options to enter this room are useless. The last available course of action is a ‘take or leave it option’ – entering from the outside… And off he goes, in Ethan Hunt fashion, scaling the building, unaided by a harness – but by futuristic suction-gloves.

A glove malfunctions, leaving Ethan dangling 3,000 feet from death. Oh, did I mention that a skin-stripping sandstorm is just off the horizon, gunning directly towards him? I would say Ethan Hunt has a – “problem”….

Whether in the cinematic world or in this “real” one, when wishful expectations fail to match what actually occurs in reality, that’s when we realize a problem exists. But, truth be told, the problem isn't usually the problem; it’s how we deal with it. This is key.

We all have reflexive responses for dealing with common situations which arise. Some work well, others don’t; the interesting thing is, we continue to employ tactics we know are useless, like ignoring, making excuses, blaming others for a problem, etc. and keep getting the same empty results. It’s like beating one’s head against the wall – stop!

Recognizing that a problem exists also presupposes that a solution is present, though hidden – temporarily. Albert Einstein famously said, “…The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them!...” In other words, if we are to unearth solutions for what we perceive to be an existing issue of concern, then a revolutionary perspective, a new way of thinking needs to be exercised.

We can start by first defining what the problem is. This requires several things: One, we take some responsibility for the issue at hand. Simply put, what was your role in making the problem exist? What did or didn’t you do? For example, your consistent cell-phone usage while driving consistently gets you pulled over by a police-officer who routinely gives you a ticket. Blaming or arguing with the officer does not solve the issue. Taking some responsibility for the act offers you a new vantage point from which you can *see solutions for your problem.

Second, focus on solutions. Visualize the outcome; ask solutions-based questions, instead of riveting your attention on the problem, thus feeding it unnecessary energy. Adding to the example above, instead of the driver paying attention to the anger and frustration triggered by receiving the ticket, he/she can focus on safe driving, and ask solution-based questions such as, “How can I eliminate getting tickets and drive safely on the road?” (Can you construct additional creative solutions-based questions?)

Third, we've either said these words, or have heard someone say them, “I need to get some space, some distance from the problem!” A hidden power resides in this statement. However you do it, physically or mentally, putting distance between you and the scenario in question shifts your state of mind and perspective, thus helping you to find creative solutions.

Adopting useful beliefs are also important when searching for creative solutions. Beliefs aren't “wrong or right,” per se; they are just useful, because they act as discriminating doorways, halting incompatible thoughts, ideas, and behaviors from entering one’s mind-space. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) contains many useful beliefs that can be applied to solutions-based thinking.

Some of the following are:

• Failure versus Feedback
  

We've all seen movies where the hero fires a heat-seeking missile at the villain. But the agile villain constantly dodges it, causing the missile to fail in connecting with its target. But the missile, as if it has a mind of its own - self- corrects - and gets back on its aggressive course…and does connect with its target. Failure versus feedback can be likened to this missile. Instead of calling your results, a failure, think of them as - feedback. It’s this information feedback you use to re-calibrate, so that when you get back on course, you’re armed with additional data on how to navigate, the best way to get things done, so you accomplish your goal.

•  Humans Have the Resources to Affect Change
  

Most of us have become accustomed to doing things a certain way. This oftentimes can lead us to believe that no other approaches exist to get the same task done, and that problems are bound to occur when this singular tactic can no longer be used. As previously stated, beliefs are neither wrong nor right, but useful.

Finding ourselves in a pinch is no excuse for staying there. Adopting the belief that we have the ability and power to influence our outcome is a good step in the right direction. For example, Ethan Hunt, after having gained access to the server-room, now must urgently get back to his team – asap! However, from the looks of things, he’s in some serious trouble:… Both of his futuristic climbing gloves (the only climbing gear he has) are destroyed, he’s several-thousand feet up, a dreaded sand-storm is minutes away, and he can’t use the elevators. What’s he to do?

If action reveals character, then it’s clear from witnessing Ethan Hunt’s previous exploits that he possesses certain abilities: He has the mental prowess to push aside fears; he can prioritise, focus and he’s always committed to a cause. These qualities are what Ethan accesses and utilizes…Ethan Hunt straps himself to on one end of a fire-hose, throws the other end out the window and races down the side of the building, … escaping, without the use of magical powers, but by taking advantage of resources that are already within him.

Like Ethan, we, too, can utilize the built-in resources unique to each of us, and also what's within our control to discover solutions. Examples of people doing such things, refusing let their circumstances limit or imprison them, are abundant.



©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

As you are listening to celebrated author Chimananda Ngoze Adiche’s TED Talk, keep the following in mind: –
“The 'Power' of a single Story” and the impact is has on point of view."

The stories we are exposed to, and the ones we tell ourselves, help to frame and shape our self-perception, and how we experience the world we live in.

Earlier this year, I had the fortune to work in my capacity as a performance coach with the Stirling Clansmen (the 2014 American Football British National Champions). Although I played a very small part in helping them get in the right frame of mind to play their best, what I learned from observing them taught me some extremely valuable lessons.

The most important lesson that I learned was in observing what I call relentless discipline. The Stirling football coaches cultivated a culture on the team that was extremely impressive. They emphasised over and over again the essential need to be consistent in everything they did. They worked hard on the pitch and were well behaved off it. The importance of a code of behaviour was instilled quite brilliantly.

I’ve never had a more receptive audience than the 40 strong Stirling group. They were hungry for success and cohesively resonating with that hunger. They seemed to have a deep understanding that their conduct would determine how they would perform. Their values all seemed aligned.

To me, that is where relentless discipline comes from. It comes from the ability to communicate the importance of being a certain way in all aspects of your behaviour. For to become a champion, you really must become a champion. These champions became champions before they won the title. They became champions by how they acted. They acted like any great sporting icon. They worked as hard as they could work. They supported each other and they respected their opposition and anyone involved in the game.

I see discipline as the art of getting yourself to consistently behave in a certain way regardless of how you feel. When I go to the gym, I rarely go because I’m excited about it. I go because I know it’s really important for me. I made that decision because I decided I would value it. I made that decision because I decided to become that kind of person.

We often look to our behaviour to define who we are. When this team looked at their own behaviour, they could see real professionalism. They could see champions. This ensured that their discipline became relentless.

The trick is, if we want to succeed in any chosen area of life, we need to value relentless discipline as being exceptionally important. We need to remind ourselves that success isn't easy and the choices about how hard we are going to work and how consistently we will do so is going to determine whether we are successful or not. The beautiful thing is that it is up to us. It is up to what we choose to give value to. And we need to see ourselves as ‘that kind of person’. That’s a secret of champions.


Owen Fitzpatrick is an International Trainer and Practical Psychologist. He is co-author of six books which have been translated into more than a dozen languages. Owen is also co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP, the largest NLP training company in Ireland. He is also a qualified Psychologist, Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist. Owen has also featured as the presenter expert on his primetime television show 'Not Enough Hours' on Irish Television.

Note: Check out Owen's newest bestseller, the sequel to "Conversations" called " Memories: Hope is the Question"
You can post your comments about the book on Facebook

“Can you recommend some CD’s on hypnosis that I can listen to, because I want to be smarter?” Alan asked me (name changed to protect the so-called innocent). I've never been asked this before, not until now. It’s not for me to pass judgment on any inquiries. No matter how unique they may be. For we want what we want in order to satisfy values, intentions, needs, wants or desires.

You don’t have to look very far to find an infinite amount of hypnosis-based products promising all types of gains. I could have easily recommended several to Alan, and that would have been the end of it, much like the automatic behaviors we engage in, for example, shaking hands. One person first extends their hand. The other person - without thought - reciprocates. Both hands meet, resulting in a handshake.

Alan said something which made me curious. To be specific, it was a word he used- “smart!” What did Alan mean? What was his definition of that particular word?

I had options at this point: I could’ve asked Alan to clarify what he meant by the word, or to clarify what he meant by the statement. Or even to ask how does he know that a hypnosis product will give him what he wants?...

I did none of the above. Instead, I went in search of this word’s history. I discovered it (smart) comes from the Old-English term “smeart” which had several related meanings: sharp, precise, trim, quick wit, active, clever. This utterance got diluted over time, and lost some of its initial meaning. Today everyone uses this word (smart) in their own way.

It turned out what Alan really wanted was to be more precise in his thinking - at certain times - and on specific topics important to him, so that he felt more satisfied, more confident with actions he took afterwards. Put another way, tools for better decision-making were what he wanted.

If we want to be in a position where we are certain we’re making the best decision(s) possible, satisfied with the actions we’ve taken, have options to choose from, and feel good about the choices we’ve made, - the output, then it’s best to gather as much information possible about the subject we are focused on. This is the input phase.  Tools to help you do that are abundant, with the most direct one being – questions! The quality of your answers rests on the quality of your questions.

The Meta Model or Journalistic Questions are great tools to help you to generate quality information-gathering questions. The more information you have, the better the processing strategies your mind will engage in. Think about it. The mind needs something to work on. The great writers, past and present (and future ones), understand that in order to write, to produce a meaningful piece of work, they must – read! Read to write. “Reading” doesn’t imply books only, but reading the world, the environment you live in and are surrounded by. This act of reading for the writer, this immersion, is really the information-gathering phase, or, as advertising executive, Tor Myhren, calls it “inspiration overload,” the step that gets his creative juices moving.

Another key driver for success is our state of mind. For if we are seeking to enhance the quality of our thoughts and behaviors we need to take this into account. There is a specific state for a specific activity! What states of mind do you think: endurance swimmer, Diana Nyad, the fastest man alive, Usain Bolt, Bookkeeper, Antoinette Tuff, world-class public speakers, or even individuals who've changed the world, entertain, so they can perform at an optimal level? This then begs the question: “What states of mind must you activate if you want to produce the right thoughts and actions?”

Other strategies for input are:

• Having and experiencing multiple points of views on a single subject.
  
• Putting yourself in situations that cause you to grow, to learn. In other words, get out of your comfort zone. 
  
•  Self-reflection.
  
• Exercise: The brain is a glutton for glucose and oxygen. Getting the body moving triggers all kinds of responses within the body and mind. Some of the greatest ideas individuals have had in their lives came to them while exercising. 
  

©2013 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Most of us take for granted, the language we use with ourselves. Language not only moves us consciously, it also influences us on the unconscious level.

In the clip, Simon Sinek demonstrates the differences between nouns, verbs (& verb phrases) and the dynamic impact they have on our behavior, for example when creating goals or satisfying a personal value.

Note:.... PAY ATTENTION to your internal sensations – notice the differences.

What Cicero can Teach us about Persuasion and Public Speaking
                                                                                          by Owen Fitzpatrick

Public speaking is an art form that many would love to master. Whether you need to give a best man’s speech at your brother’s wedding or you must present an idea at the monthly network meeting, public speaking is a skill many people seek. At present, since I’m busy just having launched the upcoming Charisma Bootcamp, I thought I’d share some thoughts on the matter.

Cicero was a politician of ancient Rome who is widely known for his prowess at public speaking and rhetoric. Having studied some of the greatest speakers from Greece at the time, Cicero became a powerful figure largely through his ability to inspire and move his audience. So, what are some of the keys we can learn from Cicero and his skills of oratory?

Cicero explained that there were five elements important to consider when creating a speech and making an argument. They are:

1) Invention
2) Arrangement
3) Style
4) Memory
5) Delivery

Let’s go through each one and explore how we can use this system.

Invention:

This is exactly what it sounds like. The first key is to ask yourself the question what is the goal of your speech? When you create anything, that is a good question to ask. Once you identify what you want, the next step is to list out all the different ideas or concepts that might help you make this happen. It is a good idea to figure out what is the message you want to deliver to the audience.

Arrangement:

This is how you structure your speech. This is broken up into Introduction, Main Body and Conclusion. Your Introduction should introduce your message, establish your credibility and connect with the audience. It should also capture their attention from the outset. You main body should share fact, evidence, stories, examples using both logic and emotion to influence your audience. You should acknowledge any arguments which counteract your one and dismiss them using logic and reason. The conclusion should then drill home your message and leave them with a good feeling connected to it.

Style:

This is how you write or prepare your speech. The words you use must fulfill the following criteria. They must be simply put, clear, vivid, fit with the expectations of and in the same language as the audience and lastly, the words must sound good out loud. When you read out what you have written you will get a good sense of what sounds good and what doesn’t.

Memory:

This reflects how you manage to remember the key concepts. It is a good idea to practice creating hooks that you attach each idea to. This means try to fit your speech into a story or connect the main concepts to a mind map or picture. This allows you to use a device to immediately remind you of what the next part of the speech is. Often powerpoint or keynote can suffice here.

Delivery:

This is how you actually deliver the speech. Your facial expressions, eye contact and use of your voice are key factors in presenting your speech powerfully. When you tell a story of something that made you cringe, cringe when you talk about it. During your speech keep making eye contact with the audience and stay a few seconds on each of them. Use variety in your tone of voice and pace of speech. Make sure that when you make an important point you slow down and emphasize the point.

So, let’s take the example of making a best man speech.

Invention:

• What are the main goals of the speech?
  
• Who do you have to thank?
  
• Who do you have to complement?
  
• What do you want the audience to know and feel?
  
• How do you want to present your relationship with the groom?
  
• How do you want the groom to feel?
  
• What are the best stories you have of your time spent with the groom?
  

Arrangement:

• What joke or funny story can you start with?
  
• How do you want to introduce yourself?
  
• How can you best connect with the audience? What will they relate to?
  
• Where will you do the ‘thank you’ part of the speech?
  
• Which stories will you tell? (usually picking 2 or 3 is perfect)
  
• What order will you tell the stories in?
  
• How will you finish the speech? (sentimental or funny)
  

Style:

• Is the vast majority of your speech something that everyone can relate to?
  
• What do you need to explain in order for everyone to understand the stories?
  
• When you choose the stories to tell, how can you make them more vivid?
  
• When you read the speech aloud, does it sound good?
  
• How can you make it sound better?
  

Memory:

• Use cue cards if you need to with the main keys of the speech written as words to remind you.
  
• How can you link the stories together so that each one reminds you of the next?
  
• How can you remind yourself of all the different people to thank?
  

Delivery:

• How can you tell the stories in the best possible way?
  
• What accents can you do or impersonate to really make the stories more vivid?
  
• How can you include the crowd on any of the jokes?
  
• How can you use variety in your tone of voice to make it more entertaining?
  

Owen Fitzpatrick is an inspiring, engaging and entertaining speaker  NLP Master Trainer, specialized in Charisma, co-author of 'Conversations with Dr. Richard Bandler' , co- author of ‘Choose Freedom’, an international bestseller. ‘Not Enough Hours’, a bestseller in the Irish Times Bookcharts and ‘NLP for Charisma’. Owen was the presenter and expert of the primetime show ‘Not Enough Hours’. He  is co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP along with Brian Colbert. Founder of the Online Charisma Training Academy", and author of the soon to published book "The Charismatic Edge," as a trainer Owen is one of the most well respected authorities in the area of NLP:  www.owenfitzpatrick.com