How many times have we seen this scenario in films: A character gathers his/her resources and single-mindedly chases a goal, claims it...only to discover the goal wasn't worth it, or it wasn't what they hoped it would be, etc. This is after they've spent extra-ordinary amounts of time, energy and resources striving for it. Sounds backwards, right? Well, movies aren't life; but they can imitate aspects of it, even teach us something about ourselves and nature.

People in the public eye who we think "have it all" surprise most of us when they self-destruct or abandon a coveted position or social role. What they've done compels most of us to naturally go in search of answers, starting with questions like, "Why? or How?" Or we make statements such as, "Look at all they had..." "...If I were them, I would never have done what they did!..." “They're stupid," etc.  We make these kinds of judgments and form our opinions because we are using our filters, points, of views, and values to see their world as opposed to seeing the world the way they do. If you have a heart, and consider yourself a part of the human race, then you, too, are vulnerable to such reversal of desire. Not just movie characters or public figures. If you are a self-reflecting person abandoning something you once chased isn't bad. Because you can and do learn something about yourself that you can use to improve the quality of your life ("Live Long and Prosper"...[in mind body and spirit] as Mr. Spock would say, R.I.P. Leonard Nimoy)

Having goals do make for healthy living; they help to add meaning and purpose to our life... But can any goal do the aforementioned? Which one specifically? Sure we can chase anything and say we are adding substance to our life. But are you sure that what you are seeking to grasp will give you and your life satisfaction? If so, great. If you don't know... then that's something to look into.  Goals exist to satisfy a "need"; a need that's been awakened, is excited and yearning to settle down. The clearer we are on what this need is, the better our chances are that we will choose the appropriate goal, with the added benefit that your resources will be utilized with precision. Take for example your standard action movie - Taken 1 - starring Liam Neeson. Antagonists have kidnapped the protagonist's daughter with the intent on selling her on the black market. The antagonists' actions have awakened a clearly defined need in the protagonist who then chooses the appropriate goal and will take the "necessary steps" to reach it so that his need - safety for his family - is satisfied.

Moving from the world of fiction into the real one, most of us know that billionaire Bill Gates left the company he founded to pursue philanthropic goals. What need could he be satisfying by taking this bold step? Each of us has needs that are personal. Being aware of them, as previously stated, will help us to choose the right goals that will satisfy them. If you are pursuing a goal the following questions will help you to become aware of your need. Also, pay attention to your experience and check to see if the pursuit of the goal will satisfy that particular need:

• What is this goal really about?
  
• What will reaching this goal do for me or give me?
  
• Why is this goal so important?
• Is the goal I'm' pursuing going to satisfy my need?
  

©2015 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to: www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Listen to both videos. They are short – (2 min. each), but contain a wealth of information you can easily put use towards your success. Listen, listen and listen again. Strategies for success aren't all that difficult. As you listen, pay attention to how Olympic Gold-medalist, Iwan Thomas, used language to become a winner. Notice that he only focused only on encouraging statements he said to himself and from others, dismissing anything else that was irrelevant. – Focus! Listen to what Dr. Richard Bandler says that's required for success... 
 “…so strong you have to feel it in every fibre of your soul!...”

Video 1: Richard Bandler's interview with Iwan Thomas and how he became a top athlete.

Video 2: Richard Bandler's interview with Iwan Thomas and how he became a top athlete.

What are the eight traits successful people have in common? Watch (or listen). Be surprised how easy it is to adopt these traits in your lives.

Ethan Hunt’s mission (Tom Cruise- Mission Impossible 4), that he’s already accepted, is to pacify a diabolical master-mind bent on starting World War III is. To do this, Ethan needs access to the highly-secured server room nestled within the world’s tallest building, the Burj Kahlifa All “safe” options to enter this room are useless. The last available course of action is a ‘take or leave it option’ – entering from the outside… And off he goes, in Ethan Hunt fashion, scaling the building, unaided by a harness – but by futuristic suction-gloves.

A glove malfunctions, leaving Ethan dangling 3,000 feet from death. Oh, did I mention that a skin-stripping sandstorm is just off the horizon, gunning directly towards him? I would say Ethan Hunt has a – “problem”….

Whether in the cinematic world or in this “real” one, when wishful expectations fail to match what actually occurs in reality, that’s when we realize a problem exists. But, truth be told, the problem isn't usually the problem; it’s how we deal with it. This is key.

We all have reflexive responses for dealing with common situations which arise. Some work well, others don’t; the interesting thing is, we continue to employ tactics we know are useless, like ignoring, making excuses, blaming others for a problem, etc. and keep getting the same empty results. It’s like beating one’s head against the wall – stop!

Recognizing that a problem exists also presupposes that a solution is present, though hidden – temporarily. Albert Einstein famously said, “…The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them!...” In other words, if we are to unearth solutions for what we perceive to be an existing issue of concern, then a revolutionary perspective, a new way of thinking needs to be exercised.

We can start by first defining what the problem is. This requires several things: One, we take some responsibility for the issue at hand. Simply put, what was your role in making the problem exist? What did or didn’t you do? For example, your consistent cell-phone usage while driving consistently gets you pulled over by a police-officer who routinely gives you a ticket. Blaming or arguing with the officer does not solve the issue. Taking some responsibility for the act offers you a new vantage point from which you can *see solutions for your problem.

Second, focus on solutions. Visualize the outcome; ask solutions-based questions, instead of riveting your attention on the problem, thus feeding it unnecessary energy. Adding to the example above, instead of the driver paying attention to the anger and frustration triggered by receiving the ticket, he/she can focus on safe driving, and ask solution-based questions such as, “How can I eliminate getting tickets and drive safely on the road?” (Can you construct additional creative solutions-based questions?)

Third, we've either said these words, or have heard someone say them, “I need to get some space, some distance from the problem!” A hidden power resides in this statement. However you do it, physically or mentally, putting distance between you and the scenario in question shifts your state of mind and perspective, thus helping you to find creative solutions.

Adopting useful beliefs are also important when searching for creative solutions. Beliefs aren't “wrong or right,” per se; they are just useful, because they act as discriminating doorways, halting incompatible thoughts, ideas, and behaviors from entering one’s mind-space. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) contains many useful beliefs that can be applied to solutions-based thinking.

Some of the following are:

• Failure versus Feedback
  

We've all seen movies where the hero fires a heat-seeking missile at the villain. But the agile villain constantly dodges it, causing the missile to fail in connecting with its target. But the missile, as if it has a mind of its own - self- corrects - and gets back on its aggressive course…and does connect with its target. Failure versus feedback can be likened to this missile. Instead of calling your results, a failure, think of them as - feedback. It’s this information feedback you use to re-calibrate, so that when you get back on course, you’re armed with additional data on how to navigate, the best way to get things done, so you accomplish your goal.

•  Humans Have the Resources to Affect Change
  

Most of us have become accustomed to doing things a certain way. This oftentimes can lead us to believe that no other approaches exist to get the same task done, and that problems are bound to occur when this singular tactic can no longer be used. As previously stated, beliefs are neither wrong nor right, but useful.

Finding ourselves in a pinch is no excuse for staying there. Adopting the belief that we have the ability and power to influence our outcome is a good step in the right direction. For example, Ethan Hunt, after having gained access to the server-room, now must urgently get back to his team – asap! However, from the looks of things, he’s in some serious trouble:… Both of his futuristic climbing gloves (the only climbing gear he has) are destroyed, he’s several-thousand feet up, a dreaded sand-storm is minutes away, and he can’t use the elevators. What’s he to do?

If action reveals character, then it’s clear from witnessing Ethan Hunt’s previous exploits that he possesses certain abilities: He has the mental prowess to push aside fears; he can prioritise, focus and he’s always committed to a cause. These qualities are what Ethan accesses and utilizes…Ethan Hunt straps himself to on one end of a fire-hose, throws the other end out the window and races down the side of the building, … escaping, without the use of magical powers, but by taking advantage of resources that are already within him.

Like Ethan, we, too, can utilize the built-in resources unique to each of us, and also what's within our control to discover solutions. Examples of people doing such things, refusing let their circumstances limit or imprison them, are abundant.



©2014 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Earlier this year, I had the fortune to work in my capacity as a performance coach with the Stirling Clansmen (the 2014 American Football British National Champions). Although I played a very small part in helping them get in the right frame of mind to play their best, what I learned from observing them taught me some extremely valuable lessons.

The most important lesson that I learned was in observing what I call relentless discipline. The Stirling football coaches cultivated a culture on the team that was extremely impressive. They emphasised over and over again the essential need to be consistent in everything they did. They worked hard on the pitch and were well behaved off it. The importance of a code of behaviour was instilled quite brilliantly.

I’ve never had a more receptive audience than the 40 strong Stirling group. They were hungry for success and cohesively resonating with that hunger. They seemed to have a deep understanding that their conduct would determine how they would perform. Their values all seemed aligned.

To me, that is where relentless discipline comes from. It comes from the ability to communicate the importance of being a certain way in all aspects of your behaviour. For to become a champion, you really must become a champion. These champions became champions before they won the title. They became champions by how they acted. They acted like any great sporting icon. They worked as hard as they could work. They supported each other and they respected their opposition and anyone involved in the game.

I see discipline as the art of getting yourself to consistently behave in a certain way regardless of how you feel. When I go to the gym, I rarely go because I’m excited about it. I go because I know it’s really important for me. I made that decision because I decided I would value it. I made that decision because I decided to become that kind of person.

We often look to our behaviour to define who we are. When this team looked at their own behaviour, they could see real professionalism. They could see champions. This ensured that their discipline became relentless.

The trick is, if we want to succeed in any chosen area of life, we need to value relentless discipline as being exceptionally important. We need to remind ourselves that success isn't easy and the choices about how hard we are going to work and how consistently we will do so is going to determine whether we are successful or not. The beautiful thing is that it is up to us. It is up to what we choose to give value to. And we need to see ourselves as ‘that kind of person’. That’s a secret of champions.


Owen Fitzpatrick is an International Trainer and Practical Psychologist. He is co-author of six books which have been translated into more than a dozen languages. Owen is also co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP, the largest NLP training company in Ireland. He is also a qualified Psychologist, Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist. Owen has also featured as the presenter expert on his primetime television show 'Not Enough Hours' on Irish Television.

Note: Check out Owen's newest bestseller, the sequel to "Conversations" called " Memories: Hope is the Question"
You can post your comments about the book on Facebook

“Can you recommend some CD’s on hypnosis that I can listen to, because I want to be smarter?” Alan asked me (name changed to protect the so-called innocent). I've never been asked this before, not until now. It’s not for me to pass judgment on any inquiries. No matter how unique they may be. For we want what we want in order to satisfy values, intentions, needs, wants or desires.

You don’t have to look very far to find an infinite amount of hypnosis-based products promising all types of gains. I could have easily recommended several to Alan, and that would have been the end of it, much like the automatic behaviors we engage in, for example, shaking hands. One person first extends their hand. The other person - without thought - reciprocates. Both hands meet, resulting in a handshake.

Alan said something which made me curious. To be specific, it was a word he used- “smart!” What did Alan mean? What was his definition of that particular word?

I had options at this point: I could’ve asked Alan to clarify what he meant by the word, or to clarify what he meant by the statement. Or even to ask how does he know that a hypnosis product will give him what he wants?...

I did none of the above. Instead, I went in search of this word’s history. I discovered it (smart) comes from the Old-English term “smeart” which had several related meanings: sharp, precise, trim, quick wit, active, clever. This utterance got diluted over time, and lost some of its initial meaning. Today everyone uses this word (smart) in their own way.

It turned out what Alan really wanted was to be more precise in his thinking - at certain times - and on specific topics important to him, so that he felt more satisfied, more confident with actions he took afterwards. Put another way, tools for better decision-making were what he wanted.

If we want to be in a position where we are certain we’re making the best decision(s) possible, satisfied with the actions we’ve taken, have options to choose from, and feel good about the choices we’ve made, - the output, then it’s best to gather as much information possible about the subject we are focused on. This is the input phase.  Tools to help you do that are abundant, with the most direct one being – questions! The quality of your answers rests on the quality of your questions.

The Meta Model or Journalistic Questions are great tools to help you to generate quality information-gathering questions. The more information you have, the better the processing strategies your mind will engage in. Think about it. The mind needs something to work on. The great writers, past and present (and future ones), understand that in order to write, to produce a meaningful piece of work, they must – read! Read to write. “Reading” doesn’t imply books only, but reading the world, the environment you live in and are surrounded by. This act of reading for the writer, this immersion, is really the information-gathering phase, or, as advertising executive, Tor Myhren, calls it “inspiration overload,” the step that gets his creative juices moving.

Another key driver for success is our state of mind. For if we are seeking to enhance the quality of our thoughts and behaviors we need to take this into account. There is a specific state for a specific activity! What states of mind do you think: endurance swimmer, Diana Nyad, the fastest man alive, Usain Bolt, Bookkeeper, Antoinette Tuff, world-class public speakers, or even individuals who've changed the world, entertain, so they can perform at an optimal level? This then begs the question: “What states of mind must you activate if you want to produce the right thoughts and actions?”

Other strategies for input are:

• Having and experiencing multiple points of views on a single subject.
  
• Putting yourself in situations that cause you to grow, to learn. In other words, get out of your comfort zone. 
  
•  Self-reflection.
  
• Exercise: The brain is a glutton for glucose and oxygen. Getting the body moving triggers all kinds of responses within the body and mind. Some of the greatest ideas individuals have had in their lives came to them while exercising. 
  

©2013 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

Most of us take for granted, the language we use with ourselves. Language not only moves us consciously, it also influences us on the unconscious level.

In the clip, Simon Sinek demonstrates the differences between nouns, verbs (& verb phrases) and the dynamic impact they have on our behavior, for example when creating goals or satisfying a personal value.

Note:.... PAY ATTENTION to your internal sensations – notice the differences.

                           Behind it All
                                                                                   by John G. Johnson

Like it or not humans are always learning. And we learn quickly. It’s not just our minds that learn, but our bodies as well.Sometimes a single experience  is all it takes. Rapid learning can occur when an  experience is unique, novel and accompanied by a heightened emotion. What’s interesting is that the more this learning event occurs, the more it becomes a stronger aspect of our being, hard-wired, so to speak, thus  leading us to create “conclusions,” “rules” “a point of view” “beliefs,” etc. about this unique event. Take for example, going to a restaurant and eating a meal that upsets your stomach. The next time around, you’ll most likely be cautious of either the restaurant in question or the same meal. However, if you  decide to give the same place and meal another try, and if the same thing occurs - again - then you’ll definitely build even stronger conclusions either about that establishment or the meal.  In fact, it’s how phobias are created - the body has learned to respond in a particular way that’s usually undesirable.

There’s another way we learn and acquire knowledge, and that’s through detecting patterns. Our minds are continuously scanning for and cataloging patterns in our environment. The interesting thing is that this pattern-detection activity takes place at a level that’s  -  below our awareness! Inferences are then derived from these patterns, manifesting in the form of, attitudes, beliefs or ideas, etc.

There are times, however, when these patterns are made available to our conscious minds. This gives now us the opportunity to discover the source of our present attitudes and conclusions about a provocative subject in question. This revelation also now puts us  in an immediate position to decide whether a specific attitude, belief, etc is useful to hold onto - or not.

But oftentimes these patterns aren't made available to us consciously. And all that we are aware of are just the “conclusions,” and their various forms, be that attitudes, beliefs, gut-feelings, rules, ideas etc., that seem to just “exist” without a source. A simple exercise to prove this is to list as many of the attitudes, beliefs, conclusions and ideas you are aware of, and then  ask yourself how did you come to acquire them. This unconscious pattern-detection mechanism has kept our species alive for millions of years. So, too, has our ability to infer and to generalize from these patterns as well. We use what we have concluded, (attitudes, beliefs, gut-feelings, rules, ideas etc.) as rudders in our lives which influence our: behaviors, thoughts and how we see the world. But this mechanism does have its flaws:

IF YOU are having trouble accomplishing a sought-after goal or activity, regardless of whatever field you are in (personal or professional), or are dissatisfied with your level of performance in a specific arena, then it’s useful to examine your attitudes, beliefs, even the excuses you create as to why a certain outcome is the way it is surrounding the context in question. And then  - challenge them!:  

• Are they helping you to move in the direction of your choice?

• Are there counter-examples to what you believe to be true?
  

• Are there more useful beliefs, attitudes and points of views to adopt that can serve you better?
  

We don’t have to prisoners of our thoughts and experiences.Success in any endeavor requires that useful beliefs, ways of seeing and even attitudes be adopted, because, as stated before, they act as rudders  influencing our behaviors and the choices we make that push and pull us in the direction we choose. 


©2013 John G. Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

                        How to Let Go of Fear
                                                                                                  by Tina Taylor

Fear is part of our survival instinct; it sets our body and mind in motion in preparation for a perceived threat.  It’s hard wired into the subconscious and is one of our oldest emotions; sometimes generated without any conscious awareness.  We feel uneasy, yet don't know why.  It makes us jump when something moves on the ground or touches us, makes us blink when something is coming towards our eyes.  We respond due to sensory input driving us into action.

Fear makes you focus.  There’s a moment of awareness, with our unconscious telling us something isn't right, and as we sense "something" we freeze.  This freezing may stop predators from seeing us it also gives us a chance to evaluate the situation and if it is OK we continue - returning to what we were doing.

Fear is all about chemicals, epinephrine and norepinephrine; epinephrine (adrenaline) is secreted by the adrenal glands.  These chemicals are released in moments of fear to prepare us for the fight or flight response; and changes occur to improve chances of survival.  As well as increased strength an increase in oxygen increases sensory acuity whilst non-survival process like digestion are put on hold.

Fears and phobias are extreme anxieties.  As we go through life we learn a great many things by experience, things we are not even aware of.  An unconscious learning, fear is one of these experiences and is a demonstration of how quickly we learn an automatic response.

From one experience the mind can generalize and attach fear.  Then the flight or fight response kicks in.  Your imagination is far more powerful than conscious will and the area of the brain that you use to imagine something is the same area that is used when experiencing things.  Which is why your nervous system can’t tell the difference between a real or vividly imagined experience.

For an event to be coded as traumatic its said that four conditions need to be met.  First it needs to be a emotional event; second, have a meaning for the individual; third, the chemicals need to be in place and fourth the experience is perceived as inescapable.  If these are present it is possible that the brain will categorize the event as traumatic.

And yet there could be 2 people at the same event and one will be traumatized whilst the other will not.  How can this happen?

Life is full of traumatic moments, in order for an event to be traumatizing it must produce an emotional response.  Meaning is attached to the event, and whereby one person may code something as traumatic another may not.  A good example of this is those who are afraid of riding on roller coasters, they produce the four conditions in their mind and they know its scary and dangerous; whereas someone who loves roller coasters will have all the same conditions in place yet they love the thrill of the ride.

Our feelings are created by the way in which we think of something; for example someone scared of spiders may be creating an image in their mind of a larger than life spider which is scaring them.  Our fears may have begun due to specific event in our lives but these tend to evolve to a point whereby it’s the thought of the event/situation that causes the feeling rather than the situation/event itself.

There are a number of ways in which you can change the way you feel. One of these is: as you notice a feeling of anxiety/panic begin.

1.       Breathe in gently and slowly through your mouth when your lungs are full hold your breath for 10 seconds then.
2.       Breath out slowly through your nose.
3.      Breath in slowly through your mouth and hold your breath for 5 seconds.
4.      Breath out slowly through your nose.
5.      Continue breathing this way for a couple of minutes at which point the anxiety will have subsided.


Tina Taylor is one of the UK's sought after Licensed Master Trainers of NLP & Hypnotherapists, having been trained by and then assisting Paul McKenna & Dr. Richard Bandler.  With experience in the Human Resources sector, Tina has worked both on a consultancy basis and full-time for major corporations in the City of London.  Within her private practice, this diverse background has allowed her to create and provide some very unique services such as assisting couples with fertility issues and to help create a comfortable childbirth experience as well as coaching and hypnotherapy within the south of England to many individuals and companies.

Tina Taylor’s new CD, How to Let go of Fear, can teach you ways in which you can change your response’s and take back control of your thought processes.

                    It’s Time
                                               Three strategies to gain the most from the time you have
                                                                                          by John G. Johnson

Most of us lead a multitude of lives in today’s world. Adding to this, we perform a wide array of activities throughout the course of a single day… and then multiply that by seven. The result? Little to no time is left for us to appreciate the finer things in life. It’s no secret that we live in a world of consequences, so over-stressing ourselves, suppressing opportunities for personal rejuvenation will have a negative impact on our mind and body. “To every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction” is a fundamental law of physics. This law applies to human beings as well, meaning the way we live our lives.

The benefits of taking time out for yourself cannot be overstated. However, oftentimes, this classic refrain, better known as an “excuse,” frequently can be heard… “If only there were more hours in the day, then I could get everything done.” And then there’s the popular belief that most people subscribe to because they are convinced that certain tasks need to get done…or else: “it’s impossible! I don’t have time. I have too many things to do!”

These imaginary reasons, excuses, fantasies, etc. imply that we have little to no control over our lives, and that outside forces - not us – are responsible for the life we choose to live. This couldn’t be further from the truth; it’s clearly not a useful attitude to support!.... Beliefs of any sort, or any particular point-of-view one adopts, aren’t cast with and set in concrete. Meaning, they can change.

Twenty-four hours make a day; seven days make a week. It’s the reality we have to work within. Since this is the case, then it’s more useful to perceive time differently and ask ourselves “How we can work with what we have in an efficient manner so as to move towards a higher quality of life?”

The following are three such strategies.


Order of Importance
Last month we spoke about values and asking the question, “What’s important to me in X?” We can ask this same question when it comes to ordering your list of things-to-do for a day or week.  When you make your list, (day or week), prioritize your activities from – most important things to get done to least important things to get done. (Think of an inverted pyramid). Organizing your tasks this way has several advantages:

One, you will be able to see that what you thought was important to get done isn’t so after all. You now will have the choice of discarding those less-important activities to free up some time. It’s sort of like deleting non-essential files on your computer’s hard-drive to create additional space.

Two, in many instances, taking care of the most important things has the added advantage of simultaneously completing minor tasks as well. Think of it as collateral benefits – two (or several) for the price of one, so to speak.


Learning to Say “No!”
Think about it. How many times do we say “YES” to activities – without – taking into consideration the full consequences they will have on us and on the quality of time we want for ourselves? The reasons why we say “yes” to tasks are too numerous to mention. But learning to say “NO” to deadweight activities is a useful habit to embrace.


Breathe!...
Take a moment to breathe –focused rhythmic breathing, for at least three minutes. This activates what Dr. Herbert Benson calls The Relaxation Response, a heightened physiological state deep rest that allows the body and mind to take a break and restore itself. Many breathing techniques for accessing this state of focused rest abound. One simple strategy is to: Breathe in for four counts, hold for three counts, and then exhale for eight counts. Repeat for at least three-minutes. That’s it. If you find your mind wandering, that’s fine. Just return back to your task. It’s like physical exercise; the more you practice the better your focus becomes.

From the womb to the tomb, time is already pre-determined for us, so we can say it’s limited. It’s not how much time we have, quantity-wise – it’s what we do with it - quality-wise - that makes life worth living.


©2013 John Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com

                                              Almost Instant State Change
                                                                        By Kevin Creedon (1960 - 2013)

Think of a problem. Those four words are used repeatedly throughout NLP trainings because most of the time NLP techniques are used in a prescriptive manner. That means that, after the fact, we can examine a problem, make new choices and mentally rehearse a more ideal performance in the future. But what about those events that we didn't prepare for? Is it possible to shift from negative feelings to more resourceful feelings in the moment, without prior planning or an external trigger?

 Shift Happens
I remember a time when I had to travel from New York to Boston for an important family event. Very early on a hot August morning, I went to pick up the rental car I had reserved a week before. The rental agent told me that, because some cars hadn’t been returned yet, I'd have to wait until one came in or make other arrangements. I finally got a car—two hours later. Now I was stuck in morning rush hour. Worse, there was a lot of repaving being done on the highway and the heat left a lot of overheated cars stalled on the road.

When I finally got to Boston (having missed the wedding and most of the reception) I was in an awful mood. One of my nephews, who was six at the time, asked me why I was so grumpy. I told him the whole story: the car rental, the traffic, the heat... And then he said, "But Uncle Kevin, you're not driving now."

Instant state change! One moment, I'm grumpy and reliving all the unpleasantness of the morning, and the next I'm enjoying myself.

At that point, I knew that positive state changes could happen suddenly, and faster than any NLP technique I had learned so far. But I didn't know how to generate them for myself. They were always a reaction to something external, usually something someone else said to me. Yet I was very curious about how we could learn to do the same thing for ourselves.

 Emotions are Choices
William Glasser, M.D. in his book Choice Theory makes a strong case for the idea that emotions are choices, even when they don’t feel like it. Using my trip to Boston as an example, he would say that the reason I was grumpy with my family was not because I spent most of the day stuck in traffic, but because at the reception I was choosing to generate grumpy emotions.

Whether or not emotions are choices is true, it is a very useful assumption. Here's an experiment. Pretend that you are grumpy and mentally label your experience each of these ways:

1. I am grumpy.
2. I am feeling grumpy.
3. I am choosing to feel grumpy.

What are the differences for you? Which gives you the greatest freedom (and responsibility)?

When I taught my first Master Practitioner class, at graduation one of my students told me that he had just solved a big mystery: that much of what I taught in class was geared toward recognizing that we can choose how we feel. This was a powerful revelation for him—he had spent much of his life being angry, thinking he had no choice about it. He asked me why I didn't just tell everyone at the start that emotions can be chosen. "Who would have believed me?" I asked him.

Some people try to suppress or hide their emotions. Others venerate them, with the idea that ALL emotions have to be fully expressed, preferably with an audience, before an emotion is complete. I don't think emotions should be suppressed or avoided, but I’m surprised how often what I’m feeling seems to have been chosen blindly, without considering more than one possibility.

Here's another experiment to illustrate the ephemeral nature of emotions. Think of a small task that you can do, should get done and have been putting off. When you think about it, what emotions do you feel?

Next, ask yourself "Is there any reason I can't put off deciding how I'll feel about doing this until after it's done?"

Notice what happens. In my experience, both with myself and with my students and clients, if the answer is no, the negative feeling spontaneously disappears and we go and do the thing that we had been putting off.

Kevin Creedon's work lives on in and throughout the lives of the people he's touched in his unique way. A part of his legacy has been captured and preserved on this best-selling DVD - Bang Bang!

                Tips to Building a Better Martial-Arts School                                                                                                                                  by John G. Johnson


Tip 1:

Make sure GOALS are clear..
Enrolling a student just because they want to “take classes” seems like common-sense on first glance. Yes, you can do that, and get paid. But you will never the true reason(s) why they joined. And if they enrolled into your school with pre-conceived expectations – and those expectations aren’t met – then the cost is that you’ll lose that student. Period.

Instead, interview each prospective student to make sure that you know specifically what their goal is and that it’s crystal clear – to you - and to the student. It’s fine if someone has more than one goal. You then build your curriculum around each student’s goal, or goals. Doing so keeps your classes interesting and challenging. It’s a Win/Win for everyone. And creating a curriculum this way also significantly reduces one of the many reasons students drop out…class is boring!

Tip 2:

TEST and welcome FEEDBACK…
Even though you have a working curriculum, you still have to check (TEST) to make sure everything is going as planned. Students drop out for a variety of reasons. Some of these you can fix others you can’t. For example, if you realize a student has reduced his/her attendance or wants to quit, inquire into the reasons for their decision. Get feedback (FEEDBACK /FAILURE).  You then use this information to make adjustments to your curriculum. Also, metaphors are powerful. Don’t believe your made-up story as to why “you think” your students aren’t showing up. Go to the source – the student – to get the specific information you need. This is within your control. If someone moves away and distance prevents them from attending, that’s something out of your control.

Tip 3:

Your STATE OF MIND transfers…
QUESTION: Who are you? And WHY do you want to teach? You need to answer these questions for yourself. If teaching is something you want to do, and you are congruent with your intent, then it will show; it will be converted into enthusiasm, passion. Your students will absorb these states and will be inspired. They’ll want to push themselves. This in turn will translate into student retention. If you lack the appropriate states-of-mind, and are teaching from a consciousness that’s bland, wimpy and lacking enthusiasm… your students will also pick this up as well. Some will even make mention of having ho-hum feelings after a class workout and don’t know the source – which is you! Humans are always learning. Your students will model your state of mind and attitude. Everything flows from the instructor.

Adding to this, the best instructors know that teaching isn’t about them, the Instructor. It’s about the students (SELF/OTHER). Having your attention outwards allows you to track what’s going on in real-time, whether during a teaching session or during non-teaching moments. The benefit of possessing this ability is that you can creatively make adjustments to situations occurring in-the-moment that’s to the benefit of the student. Adopting the proper teaching frame of mind makes it easier to enter this uptime mindset.

©2012 John Johnson All rights reserved! Subscribe to our mailing list for workshops, newsletters and events. Go to:  www.nlpsuccessbydesign.com